Consciously Parenting: Book 1

The more we had our early needs met, the more our own children will develop optimally. The more difficulty our parents had meeting our needs when we were young children, or the more difficulty they had navigating discipline with us, the more difficulty we are likely to have parenting our own children. If we did not experience unconditional love and

• Attachment is the forming of a special, enduring “emotional” relationship with a specific person (in childhood, this is usually the mother, though it can be the father, partner, grandmother or grandfather, or other special person). • Attachment is about the child’s behaviors to create connection with the parent. • Bonding is about the parent’s behaviors to create a connected

John Bowlby’s research was the first to look at the importance of special human relationships called attachment relationships: the relationships we have in our earliest years and through which our brains are actually organized. Even though we don’t remember these relationships, the care we received or didn’t receive, along with how our parents (or other caregivers) felt about our care, our

Research has shown that we need consistent, loving care from at least one special person who is attuned to our needs in our early years. For example, we need to be held frequently, because in our early years, we learn best through physical touch (and how that person feels when they are close to us) rather than any words someone

Because we are programmed to look for the consequence from the time we are small children and to look only at the behavior, it takes mindfulness and lots of practice to start seeing these situations differently. But when we start seeing the possibility of a different outcome, we can start finding solutions that result in connection and a stronger relationship

Something that has helped me tremendously in my journey as a parent is to remember that I am doing the best I can in any given moment. And so is my child. He wants to connect with me. If he’s not, that is letting me know that something isn’t right in his world, something isn’t right in my world and

Principle 2: The parent-child relationship is more important than any behavioral intervention, consequence, or punishment. The bottom line is that parenting techniques that use threats and coercion are really threatening the child’s core needs for love and attention (what a child needs to survive) to gain temporary compliance. A compliant child is very different than a child who is connected

We’ll be shifting how we look at our children and their behavior by taking a closer look at the foundational principles of Consciously Parenting. You may just discover something about yourself in this process, too. Principle 1: All behavior is a communication. Behavior reflects the internal state of the individual and the relationship’s level of connection. New terms to help

Inner guidance doesn’t have formulaic solutions, but always come back to connecting in relationship, holding the importance of everyone’s needs whenever possible. By making conscious parenting decisions, we have the power to create connection instead of disconnection, love instead of fear, peace instead of discord. Then we can return to our natural “perfect” state of harmony, peace, and joy. So

Parenting our own children provides a unique opportunity to learn about our early experiences. It puts a magnifying glass on those things that worked well for our own parents and those that didn’t. It allows us to understand how we feel about our own needs and the needs of our children, but only if we allow ourselves to be aware