What it Really Takes to Raise Emotionally Healthy Families Series- Day 5
Book 1 of the Consciously Parenting series
The Importance of the Relationship
Principle 2: The parent-child relationship is more important than any behavioral intervention, consequence, or punishment.
The bottom line is that parenting techniques that use threats and coercion are really threatening the child’s core needs for love and attention (what a child needs to survive) to gain temporary compliance. A compliant child is very different than a child who is connected in relationship to you and thus wants to please you and do what you ask out of mutual respect.
This becomes even more important as our children grow into teens and young adults. We’re parenting for the long-haul here, rather than quick fixes that temporarily change behavior without addressing the underlying needs- our human needs- for love, connection, support, especially when we’re struggling.
Everything I’m saying here also applies to you as an adult, too. You may have unmet developmental needs from not getting your own needs met when you were growing up that show up now when you’re parenting your own child. Just notice those tender places for yourself.
Rebecca Thompson Hitt, MS, MFT is the founder and executive director of The Consciously Parenting Project (2007). Rebecca loves supporting individuals and parents to grow themselves up in their current relationship challenges. She delights in empowering people to find peace and connection with their loved ones, supporting the transformation of the way we understand our connections. Her holistic approach, which includes our earliest experiences and nervous system patterns, her gentleness and compassion, and her deep listening without pathologizing, helps us to see ourselves and those we care about with new eyes, supporting the transformation needed in the world starting with our closest relationships. With over 30 years of professional experience working with individuals, couples, and families, in addition to her own personal healing work raising her now young adult sons, Rebecca is dedicated to transforming our relationships stories, one relationship and one family at a time.
Rebecca Thompson Hitt, MS, MFT is the founder and executive director of The Consciously Parenting Project (2007). Rebecca loves supporting individuals and parents to grow themselves up in their current relationship challenges. She delights in empowering people to find peace and connection with their loved ones, supporting the transformation of the way we understand our connections. Her holistic approach, which includes our earliest experiences and nervous system patterns, her gentleness and compassion, and her deep listening without pathologizing, helps us to see ourselves and those we care about with new eyes, supporting the transformation needed in the world starting with our closest relationships. With over 30 years of professional experience working with individuals, couples, and families, in addition to her own personal healing work raising her now young adult sons, Rebecca is dedicated to transforming our relationships stories, one relationship and one family at a time.