So many of the ways we handle conflicts, challenges, and even our feelings are a result of our early attachment patterns. Most of us unconsciously repeat our attachment patterns with our own children, either doing the same thing or swinging to another extreme in reaction to the way we felt growing up. Someone who grew up with a parent who felt really invasive of their boundaries might do the same or might be detached as a parent, for example. If you grew up with parents who couldn’t make much space for your feelings, you may hold in your own feelings and encourage your child to express theirs. Or not.
As with the patterns we were talking about yesterday, attachment patterns can change as you work on them. You might have an insecure pattern, avoiding connection, feeling anxious about connection, or feeling confused when something is happening and not knowing where to turn. Or you might have a secure pattern of turning towards someone else when you’re in distress. But you can also shift your pattern by doing work on yourself. An insecure pattern can become an earned secure pattern, which means you can learn to approach your relationships and distress in a way that is healthier for yourself and others.
The same is true of your child’s attachment. While the patterns are set early, it doesn’t mean that they are not changeable. It’s never too late to heal. Remember that now. 🙂
