Consciously Parenting: Book 1

In her book Connection Parenting, Pam Leo has a wonderful explanation for why it is so important to take this time to recharge ourselves, and it involves our brain-wave states. When we are alert, active, and thinking, we are in the beta brain state. Many parents spend time in this state all day long, until their heads hit the pillow at night;

Few people disagree with the notion that taking care of ourselves is important. In fact, most of us usually get excited when we start talking about meeting our own needs. But most people don’t take the time to actually do it. There are too many other demands that need to take precedence. I suggest that we don’t have the time

We simply cannot do everything that is on our list of things to do and care for the children in the way they need to be cared for. It isn’t that any one person is incapable, but rather that the job is too important to be left to just one person. The ideal ratio for children under six years old is at least four

When we are calm, well rested, and fed, we are probably pretty good parents. We are able to handle the little bumps in the road—the lost shoes, the dawdling child— without much trouble. But when we’re not on a green light ourselves, we may lose patience during the minor challenges of parenting. And when we are overwhelmed by our own

Behaviors can change by inflicting fear (emotional or physical pain, abandonment, separation), which creates disconnection, or by adding loving boundaries (understanding, keeping our child safe, curiosity about what is happening for our child), which creates connection. But when we inflict pain on them, we are saying that stopping this behavior is more important than the child’s need for connection. We

Perhaps the least understood guiding principle is about boundaries or limits. When we think of loving guidance and having a focus on relationship, we sometimes think that means the children can do whatever they want. In order to respect our child, we often let go of our own needs in order to meet our child’s expressed needs. Or perhaps we

More importantly for our discussion on feelings is that our feelings can help to guide us on our life journey and especially on our parenting journey. Our feelings can let us know when our life is out of balance, when we have unmet needs that need to be considered, or when something isn’t right with our child and it needs

It took me a long while to really understand that allowing my son’s feelings didn’t mean that he got to do whatever he wanted because he was feeling a certain way. In fact, it usually meant that he was often too overwhelmed for whatever he wanted and he needed me to reign him in a bit by setting a limit

When I began to change the way I was responding to my children, I started pausing because I didn’t know what else to do. What I was doing wasn’t working, but I didn’t have a clearly defined new plan either. And I still had work to do on my own past so that I could see the present more clearly.