Podcast Episode #47 – Raising Boys Q&A: Deescalation Techniques

Rebecca and Nathan look at how intentionally connecting with our children throughout their childhood can help us when we get to the teen years, by giving them and us the tools needed to move through intense emotions as they come up, before they escalate into something hard to handle. They also discuss ways to compassionately work with our teens in those situations where emotions have gotten very intense and the situation has escalated or morphed into something it wasn’t about originally.


Making Room for Feelings: A Story of Connection

I can look back on that time now and see so many things. That whole hindsight thing is great later, but it wasn’t so helpful in the moment my son was so upset.

I can see now that he was dysregulated.
I know that within his body and nervous system, he was overstimulated from watching television. I knew then that he had a hard time with the transition, but I didn’t really understand that it was a full body issue. I thought he was just being difficult and just trying to get his way. I can see now that it was much more than that.

I can also see that he needed a lot of support to learn to calm his body and nervous system. I didn’t know how to do that, then. I didn’t know how to calm my own system then, either. So in those moments ,we were both flailing in so many ways.

He needed me.


Space for Feelings and Emotional Health: Better Relationships in 2 Minutes #7

I want you to take a moment and think about your closest relationships. They’re probably with people you can share anything with and where it’s safe for you to express your feelings and your deepest concerns. I remember reading Connection Parenting by Pam Leo and she asked you to think about your safe person, describing the tears falling when your special person walks in the room.


Feelings Expressed – Not Lord of the Flies: Better Relationships in 2 Minutes #6

The next question that inevitably comes up when we’re talking about feelings and maybe not doing a time out is that it means we’re encouraging chaos, that things are going to be out of control, that it means we can’t say no. Creating space for feelings doesn’t mean that your kids can do anything they want. It means that when you need to say no about something, you make room for how they’re feeling about that no.


The Cultural Paradox of Feelings: Better Relationships in 2 Minutes #5

Everywhere we go as parents, the prevailing information is that we need to train our children out of their feelings and expressions. We insist our kids use words and find a logical way of expressing themselves, which in and of itself isn’t a bad idea. But when do our kids actually have the space to express their feelings?


The Brain Isn’t Just About Logic: Better Relationships in 2 Minutes #4

A number of years ago, I took a course with Dr. Bruce Perry, who is a neuroscientist, brain researcher and clinician. One of the things that I found to be most fascinating is that our brains aren’t really meant to be logical all the time and that’s actually ok. We’ve been taught by our culture that if it isn’t logical, it isn’t valuable. Period. But Dr. Perry’s research blew that out of the water for me.