What’s an Unconventional Parenting Path?
I often see three groups of parents who are on an unconventional parenting path. (There are probably more, but this is what I’m sharing today…) The first ones are parents who know they want to do something different than how they were raised. These are the cycle breakers. These are the parents who grew up with abuse or neglect, or were treated in ways they didn’t like, and said it was stopping with them. They want to do things differently in ways that would be better for their kids. They’re working hard to give their kids something they didn’t get growing up. These parents have grit, often feel like they’re not doing enough even if they’re doing everything differently. They tend to the be ones who lose themselves and their own needs trying to care for their children in a different way.
The second group are parents whose children need something different. These are the parents who have a high needs child, a child with special needs, a child with a diagnosis at birth or early in life, an older child who doesn’t behave in ways the parent expected, a child who doesn’t respond to the conventional ways of parenting. These children may have special medical needs, or they may have behavioral challenges. Or they may be neurodivergent or have a marginalized identity. For this group of parents, the child requires something different from them and it requires the parent to grow in order to parent them well.
The third group are parents who have a child who triggers them, either in general or at a specific developmental age or stage. They don’t have the tools to parent their child because the child reminds them of something from their past, or because they don’t understand their child’s behaviors and don’t know what is needed.
Of course there is overlap and some parents who are cycle breakers have a child with unique needs. And some children with unique needs are triggering to a parent.
I started out knowing I wanted to do things differently. And then I had a baby who needed everything to be different than even I had imagined. I didn’t have the skills I needed to parent him and had to find support to learn how to see his behaviors in a different light. My youngest is also neurodivergent, so I had to learn even more skills to parent him in the way he needed. I homeschooled and also worldschooled, incorporating travel and learning about different cultures into our education, so I definitely did things differently. I didn’t see the part about ending up in another country coming! Both my boys are young adults now and I am so grateful for our path. I am a much better human because I learned from them as much as they learned from me.
What about you? Are you on an Unconventional Parenting path? Do you feel like you fit into any of those categories? Do you feel there’s something else that describes your journey better than what I’ve shared? How is parenting different than what you expected? Do you have a child who challenges you? Has it always been that way with this particular child? What patterns are you most interested in changing from how you grew up? You’re welcome to hit reply and share what comes up for you. Or share with your partner, a friend, or a family member you trust.
