What it Really Takes to Raise Emotionally Healthy Families Series- Day 4

Regulation and Dysregulation

We’ll be shifting how we look at our children and their behavior by taking a closer look at the foundational principles of Consciously Parenting. You may just discover something about yourself in this process, too.

Principle 1: All behavior is a communication. Behavior reflects the internal state of the individual and the relationship’s level of connection.

New terms to help us to shift the way we see our children: regulation and dysregulation. We use these terms to describe the internal state of an individual.

Dysregulation happens when someone experiences stress beyond what he or she can cope with alone.

image of the book Consciously Parenting with a link to Amazon

In contrast, when someone is regulated, he or she in an internal state of calm. The term regulation is used in every scientific discipline and is strongly correlated to overall mental health, yet it is a term most parents have never heard before.

Example of regulated: You’ve just woken up from a full night’s sleep. You’re next to someone who loves you. All is well.

From the book Consciously Parenting: What it Really Takes to Raise Emotionally Healthy Families

young child hugging dad

Example of dysregulated: It is time to leave the park. Your child is tired and hungry. So are you. He’s crying. You feel like crying. Maybe you’re yelling. This is dysregulation.

​No one is regulated all the time. Not you. Not your kids. Learning how to support yourself, your child, and for your child to learn to support themselves to regulate is one of the biggest gifts we can give our families. Inability to regulate is at the core of almost all psychiatric and mental health issues, so it is worth the time to learn how to co-regulate. It helps everyone!

Author

  • Rebecca Thompson Hitt, MS, MFT is the founder of The Consciously Parenting Project (2007) and Thriving Humans (Thrivinghumans.org). For over thirty years, she has walked alongside individuals, couples, and families as they find their way back into relationship with their children, with each other, and with themselves. Her approach reaches beneath behavior to the earliest experiences and nervous system patterns that shape how we connect. With gentleness, deep listening, and no pathologizing, she helps people so see themselves and the ones they love with new eyes. She offers online consultations and groups, and works with people all over the world, supporting the transformation needed in the world starting with our closest relationships. With over 30 years of professional experience working with individuals, couples, and families, Rebecca is dedicated to transforming our relationships stories, one relationship and one family at a time. Rebecca is the author of four books and the mother o...

    View all posts Holistic Family Therapist

Rebecca Thompson Hitt

Rebecca Thompson Hitt, MS, MFT is the founder of The Consciously Parenting Project (2007) and Thriving Humans (Thrivinghumans.org). For over thirty years, she has walked alongside individuals, couples, and families as they find their way back into relationship with their children, with each other, and with themselves. Her approach reaches beneath behavior to the earliest experiences and nervous system patterns that shape how we connect. With gentleness, deep listening, and no pathologizing, she helps people so see themselves and the ones they love with new eyes. She offers online consultations and groups, and works with people all over the world, supporting the transformation needed in the world starting with our closest relationships. With over 30 years of professional experience working with individuals, couples, and families, Rebecca is dedicated to transforming our relationships stories, one relationship and one family at a time. Rebecca is the author of four books and the mother of two young adult sons, whose growing up was a part of her own healing work. Reach her at rebecca@thrivinghumans.org

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