When my son was born, I felt a whole host of feelings that were really unexpected for me. Awe and wonder, but also sadness and sometimes anger. As he grew and reached different developmental stages, I began to see how it was touching on my own experiences.
In the early years, it might be what comes up as your child has needs. Those can be nighttime needs, feeding needs, expression of feelings, and boundaries that need to be put in place. As your child grows and their world expands, it can be about what happens for you when they’re dysregulated or having a bad day. The way our own parents handled these situations, for better or worse, can impact how you show up for your own children.
A Parenting Example with Teens
Recently I had a parent come to see me because she was having a challenge navigating her children’s transitions through their teen years. As we explored the challenges, she realized that no one had been there for her during this time of her own life. Because no one had been there for her, she didn’t know how to be there for her children because no one had been there for her.
She began to feel a great deal of empathy for herself and the needs that were unmet for her younger self and that created the space for her to have more empathy for her children. From there, she could begin to see what was missing for herself and her children and how she could move forward consciously, not recreating the same situation she had been in when she was that age.
With empathy, we can see the things we didn’t get when we were growing up. As we consciously support our children through all their different developmental stages, we have the opportunity to re-parent ourselves and find appropriate ways to get those developmental needs met in present time.
