Author: Rebecca Thompson Hitt

When we are calm, well rested, and fed, we are probably pretty good parents. We are able to handle the little bumps in the road—the lost shoes, the dawdling child— without much trouble. But when we’re not on a green light ourselves, we may lose patience during the minor challenges of parenting. And when we are overwhelmed by our own

Behaviors can change by inflicting fear (emotional or physical pain, abandonment, separation), which creates disconnection, or by adding loving boundaries (understanding, keeping our child safe, curiosity about what is happening for our child), which creates connection. But when we inflict pain on them, we are saying that stopping this behavior is more important than the child’s need for connection. We

Perhaps the least understood guiding principle is about boundaries or limits. When we think of loving guidance and having a focus on relationship, we sometimes think that means the children can do whatever they want. In order to respect our child, we often let go of our own needs in order to meet our child’s expressed needs. Or perhaps we

More importantly for our discussion on feelings is that our feelings can help to guide us on our life journey and especially on our parenting journey. Our feelings can let us know when our life is out of balance, when we have unmet needs that need to be considered, or when something isn’t right with our child and it needs

It took me a long while to really understand that allowing my son’s feelings didn’t mean that he got to do whatever he wanted because he was feeling a certain way. In fact, it usually meant that he was often too overwhelmed for whatever he wanted and he needed me to reign him in a bit by setting a limit

When I began to change the way I was responding to my children, I started pausing because I didn’t know what else to do. What I was doing wasn’t working, but I didn’t have a clearly defined new plan either. And I still had work to do on my own past so that I could see the present more clearly.

If we, as parents, can understand that feelings are messages from our inner guidance systems and learn to express our own feelings in healthy ways, we can not only benefit ourselves, but also model these behaviors for our children. When we can learn that our own feelings are all right and how to move through our feelings in a positive

The most difficult part of learning to express our feelings appropriately is recognizing when someone else is doing so. We have seen healthy, appropriate expressions of feelings so seldom in our lives that we don’t know for sure when it happens, much less how to model it for our own children. Emotion is energy in motion and emotions need an

• Become aware of our thoughts and feelings by checking in with your physical body. • Express your thoughts and feelings to a safe person. (A safe person is one who will allow you to completely express your feelings and thoughts without needing to stop you by invalidating, shaming, distracting, or trying to fix the hurt.) Alternatively, write down your

Few parents find navigating the landscape of feelings to be easy. Perhaps one of the most misunderstood aspects of parenting, we all need guidance to understand the language of feelings and what our role is in helping our children to find their way. Most of us received messages about our feelings being inappropriate or perhaps something that must be “fixed,”