Changing Behaviors Through Connection Behaviors can change by inflicting fear (emotional or physical pain, abandonment, separation), which creates disconnection, or by adding loving boundaries (understanding, keeping our child safe, curiosity about what is happening for our child), which creates connection. But when we inflict pain on them, we are saying that stopping this behavior is more important than the child’s

Children and Boundaries Principle 7: Children need boundaries. We can set appropriate limits for our children while still respecting their needs and feelings–if we are aware of ourselves. (We can ask, for example, “Is this about me? Is this about them? Are my children communicating a need? Is the boundary I’m setting necessary, or is it an opportunity for me

Feelings as Inner Guidance System More importantly for our discussion on feelings is that our feelings can help to guide us on our life journey and especially on our parenting journey. Our feelings can let us know when our life is out of balance, when we have unmet needs that need to be considered, or when something isn’t right with

Feelings and boundaries It took me a long while to really understand that allowing my son’s feelings didn’t mean that he got to do whatever he wanted because he was feeling a certain way. In fact, it usually meant that he was often too overwhelmed for whatever he wanted and he needed me to reign him in a bit by

The Power of the Pause When I began to change the way I was responding to my children, I started pausing because I didn’t know what else to do. What I was doing wasn’t working, but I didn’t have a clearly defined new plan either. And I still had work to do on my own past so that I could

Your Own Healthy Expression of Feelings If we, as parents, can understand that feelings are messages from our inner guidance systems and learn to express our own feelings in healthy ways, we can not only benefit ourselves, but also model these behaviors for our children. When we can learn that our own feelings are all right and how to move

What is Healthy Expression of Feelings? The most difficult part of learning to express our feelings appropriately is recognizing when someone else is doing so. We have seen healthy, appropriate expressions of feelings so seldom in our lives that we don’t know for sure when it happens, much less how to model it for our own children. Emotion is energy

Feelings as Our Guide: Shifting into New Behaviors Through Awareness • Become aware of our thoughts and feelings by checking in with your physical body. • Express your thoughts and feelings to a safe person. (A safe person is one who will allow you to completely express your feelings and thoughts without needing to stop you by invalidating, shaming, distracting,

Principle 6: All individuals have a right and a responsibility to learn to express their feelings appropriately. Feelings allow us to connect to our internal guidance system. Few parents find navigating the landscape of feelings to be easy. Perhaps one of the most misunderstood aspects of parenting, we all need guidance to understand the language of feelings and what our role

Shifting Our Interpretations, Changing Our Relationships “My daughter is manipulating me!” “He did that to me on purpose just to make me mad!” “I’m the parent, and he needs to listen to what I say!” Phrases like these are common among parents, and they are remnants of another age in which we did not fully understand brain development and what