A great place to begin with exploring your feelings is looking at how feelings were handled when you were growing up. What happened in your family when you were angry? Sad? Scared? Happy?
What happens now when your kids are feeling those feelings? What’s hard for you? What feels easy for you?
When we weren’t allowed to express something as children, it may come out really loudly as adults. And sometimes parents will create lots of space for those same feelings when their children are expressing them. And sometimes parents will shut down a child who is expressing something they weren’t allowed to express.
What’s happening in your family right now? Who is expressing what feelings? Is there room for your feelings or is the space seemingly taken up by someone else’s expression of feelings? Or are you expressing a lot of feelings and so your kids are quiet or they need to be really loud to be heard?
Feelings coming up can let us know that we are impacted by what is happening in present time. It can also let us know when there are old unresolved experiences that are being touched in present time when our reaction feels out of proportion to what’s happening right now.
Feelings can let us know when something needs attention, needs a boundary, or we have an unmet need. When we can remember that and share the reasons we have feelings with our children, it is the beginning of changing transgenerational patterns around feelings in your family and in our world.
