What it Really Takes to Raise Emotionally Healthy Families Series- Day 11

Principle 4: Behaviors occur on a continuum. Behaviors in children (and parents, too) correlate to the parent’s own neurodevelopment and attachment status.

The more we had our early needs met, the more our own children will develop optimally. The more difficulty our parents had meeting our needs when we were young children, or the more difficulty they had navigating discipline with us, the more difficulty we are likely to have parenting our own children.

If we did not experience unconditional love and acceptance from our parents, it is nearly impossible for us to give these to our own children unless we have since had a relationship with someone who was able to give those things to us and we were able to receive them.

There are countless stories of children and adults who had one person care about them, whether it was a coach, a teacher, a foster parent, or someone else in the community who took an interest in the person’s life. Indeed, this one caring person can make all the difference! For us as adults, it takes one good relationship with what Greg Baer, author of the book Real Love, calls a “Wise Friend.” This is someone who can help you see things as they actually are and who can love you unconditionally while you connect with your own inner guidance (my words).

image of the book Consciously Parenting with a link to Amazon

Father and young boy smiling at each other while on bicycles

Patterns in families are often passed from generation to generation unknowingly. We cannot give what we did not receive.

At the same time, we’re not doomed. Just because we didn’t have some of our own developmental needs met does not mean that we are doomed to not meet our children’s developmental needs, either.

Who are the people in your life who are really there for you? Who has been there for you as you consider your lifetime? Begin to see those people and relationships and honor those, while also seeing and acknowledging the ways your needs may not have been met. They’re both true.

And if you are still working through your own early experiences and finding it difficult to really be present with your own child, who else can you call in who can support you and your child? Is there a friend you have who might be able to spend time with your child who can really see your child in a way that you might be struggling to right now? Do you need some extra support for yourself? Check out our no cost support through our Community Healing Story Circles or our 1:1 consulting if you need some extra support. Or check out some of the resources below!

Author

  • Rebecca Thompson Hitt, MS, MFT is the founder of The Consciously Parenting Project (2007) and Thriving Humans (Thrivinghumans.org). For over thirty years, she has walked alongside individuals, couples, and families as they find their way back into relationship with their children, with each other, and with themselves. Her approach reaches beneath behavior to the earliest experiences and nervous system patterns that shape how we connect. With gentleness, deep listening, and no pathologizing, she helps people so see themselves and the ones they love with new eyes. She offers online consultations and groups, and works with people all over the world, supporting the transformation needed in the world starting with our closest relationships. With over 30 years of professional experience working with individuals, couples, and families, Rebecca is dedicated to transforming our relationships stories, one relationship and one family at a time. Rebecca is the author of four books and the mother o...

    View all posts Holistic Family Therapist

Rebecca Thompson Hitt

Rebecca Thompson Hitt, MS, MFT is the founder of The Consciously Parenting Project (2007) and Thriving Humans (Thrivinghumans.org). For over thirty years, she has walked alongside individuals, couples, and families as they find their way back into relationship with their children, with each other, and with themselves. Her approach reaches beneath behavior to the earliest experiences and nervous system patterns that shape how we connect. With gentleness, deep listening, and no pathologizing, she helps people so see themselves and the ones they love with new eyes. She offers online consultations and groups, and works with people all over the world, supporting the transformation needed in the world starting with our closest relationships. With over 30 years of professional experience working with individuals, couples, and families, Rebecca is dedicated to transforming our relationships stories, one relationship and one family at a time. Rebecca is the author of four books and the mother of two young adult sons, whose growing up was a part of her own healing work. Reach her at rebecca@thrivinghumans.org

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