I want you to take a moment and think about your closest relationships. They’re probably with people you can share anything with and where it’s safe for you to express your feelings and your deepest concerns. I remember reading Connection Parenting by Pam Leo and she asked you to think about your safe person, describing the tears falling when your special person walks in the room.
I’m Rebecca Thompson Hitt and this is Better Relationships in 2 minutes.
I think about that a lot in my own life. Who are the people I feel safest with? Why do they feel so safe to me? One of the biggest things for me is when I’m having a rough day and I can pull my husband aside and share with him what I’m experiencing. He’s able to just be with me and allows me the space to express and feel whatever I need to express so I can let it go. This bonds us.
This is what our kids need from us. They need space to express their feelings and they need help to learn how to express them in a way that doesn’t hurt themselves or anyone else. They need us to be with them to guide them without judgment. We need to help strengthen the connections in their brain from the emotional and survival parts to the thinking parts and we do that by practicing together, creating space for the survival energies, for the emotions to express, then returning to calm and the ability to think. We need to help them learn that it’s ok to reach out for help when they’re having big feelings instead of turning inside and being alone with them. This is part of the epidemic of violence in our world. Empathy is something we give to one another in our most vulnerable times and then we can continue to give it to each other and the world.
I’d love to hear how you apply this information in your own family and what the most difficult places are for you when it comes to feelings.
Next week, we’re going to be talking about the Trouble with Transitions and what that can have to do with very early life experiences. I hope you’ll join us!