Respectful solutions to your parenting challenges
Boundaries are a foundation of our homes, and many well-meaning parents believe (mistakenly) that parenting consciously means that we don’t have any boundaries or limits for our children. So today I wanted to take a few minutes and talk about boundaries and what that means here at Consciously Parenting.
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When your child is doing something that makes no sense to you, you make up a story to help make sense of it. Sometimes this story is helpful. Sometimes it’s not. We all do this. And it happened to us when we were growing up, too – our parent(s) made up stories about our behaviors.
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So many behaviors are a mystery, especially with our kids. It often seems like they were born a certain way with interesting idiosyncrasies. Most of the time their idiosyncrasies are cute and we don’t worry too much about them. Sometimes they’re annoying. And sometimes they’re worrisome and have an impact on our relationship.
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If we say yes to everything, we’re really saying no to everything because we can’t do it all. No one can.We’re taught to not say no growing up, in subtle and less subtle ways, and that saying yes is good.
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We’ve all had them. Some are small, others overwhelming. If you’re here, you’re a step ahead in that you’re aware that you have them. Parenting brings them on in full force. We’re talking about triggers with guest parenting expert Carrie Contey.
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What are the origins of your concepts of love and respect? Can you separate the way you desire to parent from unhelpful past models? Much of traditional parenting rests on a hierarchy of power and control. Love is a reward, based on meeting certain conditions. Respect is born of fear. If children fear their parents, they will respect them and obey them, hoping to earn their love by meeting their parent’s conditions.
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When we recognize that our children have reasons for those upsets (even if we don’t really get it), it gives us the opportunity to connect and actually help make it better this time, and the next time, too. Learning the skills to regulate and create more connection in the moment helps everyone to feel better, no matter how old we are and no matter what we call it.
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We’ve always schooled through the year, often doing more school work in the summer than at other times of the year just because it’s so hot we’d rather be inside, and because the local parks and places are more busy when public school is out.
This year, I thought we’d try something different and take a summer break. I’d seen so many friends talking about summer vacation plans, and I’ve gotten sucked in to those reminiscent lists of classic activities from the childhood of every 80s kid. I don’t want my kids to miss out on amazing summertime memories and I thought we’d try having our own summer break.
It didn’t go well.
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What is a “normal parent”? Can conscious parents look to our current collective culture for attached parent models?
Studies are showing the number of children experiencing healthy emotional attachment are “abysmally low” for a modern and “advanced” society. Is parenting keeping pace with progress?
Parents today need courage to step away from the mainstream practices that are failing to foster healthy attachment.
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That’s when it happened.
I had the car door almost closed when I saw my 3-year-old running out to me with tears streaming down her face. “Don’t go, Mama!”
My heart felt crushed.
I had a choice to make. Do I close the door and be off to have much needed time sans kids? Or do I get out of the car and tend to my sobbing child?
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