Finding Our Own Edges
We’ve been talking about boundaries – finding them within ourselves and with others outside of our families. Many of the parents I talk to who have trouble with the metaphorical “Uncle Bob” also have a challenge setting boundaries with their own kids. Today’s episode, Christy Farr and Rebecca Thompson Hitt talk about what healthy, respectful and loving boundaries can look like with your kids.
What I found really interesting about this conversation is how much overlap there can really be with your child and with the metaphorical “Uncle Bob.” Sometimes it’s a soft boundary and they really didn’t understand what was happening or what was needed. Like when Uncle Bob didn’t understand what you meant by “gluten free.” And it’s true that sometimes our kids didn’t understand what we needed them to do and we need to start there instead of jumping to some consequence that takes us out of the relationship. Sometimes our child communicating something about his or her own internal state or needs and when we get the communication, things change without need for much intervention at all. When we focus on the relationship, we can start to understand what’s happening with our child, what’s needed to reconnect or to help them to reconnect, and setting a boundary when it’s needed.
Our children need boundaries to keep them safe and to stay in relationship with you. When you’re triggered by something they’re doing and you try not to say anything, it is still a disconnection in your relationship. The boundaries are for everyone, not just your child. Boundaries keep everyone safe and communication open when they’re presented with love and respect.
About Christy Farr
What makes me an Unruly Woman? It’s the same as what makes you an Unruly Woman. You are unlike the others. You rebel against convention. You care more about doing what’s true than what society says you “should” be doing. You not only dance to the beat of your own drum, you probably built it with your own two hands.
The ache to live your truth consumes you. I understand all of this because it’s my truth, too. You can read more about this approach in my book Is Home Your Happy Place?
I love to dig in the dirt and hope to never stop feeling profound awe that actual food grows from the unidentifiable nubs I bury in the community garden each spring. I am a priestess who seeks the divine in people, spaces, and experiences of every day life.
I am an artist. My partner and I co-create sacred art out of rusty metal and scrap wood we collect from the streets of Minneapolis. I love the earth and her people so deeply they take my breath away. I am a storyteller who cultivates healing with my dance, my voice, and the written word.