What it Really Takes to Raise Emotionally Healthy Families Series- Day 16

Judgments and Interpretations

My son bared his teeth and moved his head in toward mine so that our foreheads nearly touched. For a split second, I thought he was going to bang into my head. With that realization dawning, I decided he was being playful and just moving in to kiss me. I reached toward him and kissed him. He then smiled and told me how much he loved me.

A few minutes later, after he had gone back off to the other room to play, it occurred to me how differently that situation would have gone if I had decided that his action was a threat to me. How many times do our interpretations of our child’s behavior lead us down the path to more disconnection?

image of the book Consciously Parenting with a link to Amazon

a young girl playing int he water

We are constantly interpreting the behaviors of others through our own lens. When there’s no communication specific to what is happening, we go into our own interpretation of what is happening based on our previous experiences. And that interpretation might have nothing to do with what is actually happening in present time.

In the above example, I had lots of experiences with my brothers growing up where I would have gotten hurt in a situation like that. And I also had experiences with his older brother where I did sometimes get hurt. Part of my brain was ready to protect myself. Because I was able to pause in that moment, things shifted. I stayed in present time instead of going into my own interpretation from my past experiences of what was happening. There were no words from him to express what was happening for him and it would have been easy to say that he was trying to hurt me and act as if that were true.

When we can pause before we jump to conclusions and interpretations from our own story, there’s room for what might actually be happening in present time. And that may or may not be what you think!

Author

  • Rebecca Thompson Hitt, MS, MFT is the founder of The Consciously Parenting Project (2007) and Thriving Humans (Thrivinghumans.org). For over thirty years, she has walked alongside individuals, couples, and families as they find their way back into relationship with their children, with each other, and with themselves. Her approach reaches beneath behavior to the earliest experiences and nervous system patterns that shape how we connect. With gentleness, deep listening, and no pathologizing, she helps people so see themselves and the ones they love with new eyes. She offers online consultations and groups, and works with people all over the world, supporting the transformation needed in the world starting with our closest relationships. With over 30 years of professional experience working with individuals, couples, and families, Rebecca is dedicated to transforming our relationships stories, one relationship and one family at a time. Rebecca is the author of four books and the mother o...

    View all posts Holistic Family Therapist

Rebecca Thompson Hitt

Rebecca Thompson Hitt, MS, MFT is the founder of The Consciously Parenting Project (2007) and Thriving Humans (Thrivinghumans.org). For over thirty years, she has walked alongside individuals, couples, and families as they find their way back into relationship with their children, with each other, and with themselves. Her approach reaches beneath behavior to the earliest experiences and nervous system patterns that shape how we connect. With gentleness, deep listening, and no pathologizing, she helps people so see themselves and the ones they love with new eyes. She offers online consultations and groups, and works with people all over the world, supporting the transformation needed in the world starting with our closest relationships. With over 30 years of professional experience working with individuals, couples, and families, Rebecca is dedicated to transforming our relationships stories, one relationship and one family at a time. Rebecca is the author of four books and the mother of two young adult sons, whose growing up was a part of her own healing work. Reach her at rebecca@thrivinghumans.org

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