My story is about the incredible power of Story Healing and how my family was able to get through a really tough time with the help of this knowledge. I am forever grateful that I was able to help my daughter (and all of us) to heal emotionally from her difficult experience specifically because of the support I received from Rebecca to do this work.
So when you or your child has fast-tracked to red, keep in mind that, deep down, there’s a feeling of not being safe. Does knowing this change how you feel about what’s happening? Instead of asking what you can do to make a behavior stop, ask, “What do you need to feel safe? What does my child need to feel safe?” And see what happens.
Rebecca and Lianne are back again this week to talk about how stories can help with the small hurts and disappointments of everyday life. Story Healing isn’t just a technique to be used when there is trauma, but it can be an effective tool to help move through normal tantrums and upsets.
Maybe you can relate to my own tantrum story. This wasn’t my best parenting day and I’d like to say that it was also my worst, but it wasn’t. It’s a snapshot. A moment of time. And you probably have them, too.
This post is an excerpt from Chapter 2 of Consciously Parenting: What it Really Takes to Raise Emotionally Healthy Families. It also includes a video of Rebecca explaining the Brain Stoplight.
What are the origins of your concepts of love and respect? Can you separate the way you desire to parent from unhelpful past models? Much of traditional parenting rests on a hierarchy of power and control. Love is a reward, based on meeting certain conditions. Respect is born of fear. If children fear their parents, they will respect them and obey them, hoping to earn their love by meeting their parent’s conditions.
When we recognize that our children have reasons for those upsets (even if we don’t really get it), it gives us the opportunity to connect and actually help make it better this time, and the next time, too. Learning the skills to regulate and create more connection in the moment helps everyone to feel better, no matter how old we are and no matter what we call it.
When you have little ones, there is a lot of talk about how “it’s just a phase” and “this too shall pass,” whether it’s about picky eating, tantrums, or some other behavior deemed inappropriate in our society. While it is true that many of those behaviors do pass with time, I definitely wasn’t expecting to still witness full toddler-style tantrums with my child at 8 years old.
Moms’ Night Out! A coveted part of many moms’ lives. You get to take a shower, put on some makeup, and wear grown-up clothes. And the best part? You get to talk to grown-ups – and ones you like, for that matter. Here I was in my dress that finally fit me again, babysitter engaged, Read More
Whenever I ask a group of parents what they want for their children, the topic of respect inevitably comes up. Parents want their children to be respected, but parents also want to feel respected by their children. Many parents grew up not feeling respected themselves and most parents, it turns out, grew up having at least one experience (most had many experiences) of not being respected by an adult in their life.
Everywhere we look nowadays, children are being diagnosed and labeled with disorders based on their behavior, with acronyms being placed near their names. “Johnny has ADD, that’s why he can’t sit still.” “Sherry has RAD and that’s why she can’t attach to us.” “Vinny is on the (autism) spectrum.” But how does it help to label our children?
Listening to your gut when faced with a challenging social situation is hard. We don’t want to believe bad things are happening in the moment. However, when presented with someone that shows you unkindness or frightening opposition, listen to that feeling. Believe yourself.