Making Room for Feelings: A Story of Connection

I can look back on that time now and see so many things. That whole hindsight thing is great later, but it wasn’t so helpful in the moment my son was so upset.

I can see now that he was dysregulated.
I know that within his body and nervous system, he was overstimulated from watching television. I knew then that he had a hard time with the transition, but I didn’t really understand that it was a full body issue. I thought he was just being difficult and just trying to get his way. I can see now that it was much more than that.

I can also see that he needed a lot of support to learn to calm his body and nervous system. I didn’t know how to do that, then. I didn’t know how to calm my own system then, either. So in those moments ,we were both flailing in so many ways.

He needed me.

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Podcast Episode #40 – Raising Emotionally Healthy Boys (part 1)

How can we best support our boys when they are young and as they grow into men? There are many cultural messages for boys around feelings, so how do we navigate that territory? How do we stay respectful of our boys’ biology and neurobiology? We want to make sure we are creating the space for their emotions and really respecting that they’re different than we are as women and moms.

In this episode, Rebecca talks with Nathan McTague of The Center for Emotional Education. They discuss how emotion is actually processed in the brain, the real needs of children who are experiencing intense feelings, and how testosterone causes all kinds of “wonkiness” for teenage boys.

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Stories of Encouragement: The investment will pay off

Today I want to share a few recent stories from my home where I have been able to see the effects of many years of practicing Consciously Parenting. I have been doing this for 13 years. 13 years of investing in learning about how to parent differently, practicing the way I want to respond to my children’s emotions and behaviors, and developing the language that I want to use with them, and for them to use with me and others.

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Podcast Episode #38 – You can put “Sad” in your pocket

I told her that if she was feeling sad and either she couldn’t find someone in that moment to give her a hug, *or* if she just didn’t want to have to do it right then, because she was out or having fun or something, then she could put her Sad in her pocket for later. I went on to say that she couldn’t put Sad in the trash can. There’s no getting rid of it and not taking care of it. But she could put it in her pocket and then later she could pull it out when it was a better time and get her hugs then.

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The Power of a Date

I date my kids. I date them because I want to know them more and on a deeper level. I date them so our friendship and trust grow. I date them because I love them and want them to know they are safe talking to me. I date them because it’s important to me to give them the time they deserve.

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The Story YOU Make Up about Behaviors – Is it helping you?

When your child is doing something that makes no sense to you, you make up a story to help make sense of it. Sometimes this story is helpful. Sometimes it’s not. We all do this. And it happened to us when we were growing up, too – our parent(s) made up stories about our behaviors.

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What is a Hidden Story?

So many behaviors are a mystery, especially with our kids. It often seems like they were born a certain way with interesting idiosyncrasies. Most of the time their idiosyncrasies are cute and we don’t worry too much about them. Sometimes they’re annoying. And sometimes they’re worrisome and have an impact on our relationship.

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The happiest time of the year?

My oldest used to have a difficult time around the holidays. It was all too much for her to take in, and she didn’t know how to tell me what it was that caused her to act so unlike herself.

On day when she was four, I took her for a mommy-daughter date to do some Christmas shopping for her dad and sister. Things seemed to be going well. We had chosen items as possible gifts, and she was about to choose which ones were the keepers. We were talking and giggling, and I thought we were having an enjoyable time together.

Then, all of a sudden, she lost it.

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Feeling Unsafe is a Fast Track to Red

So when you or your child has fast-tracked to red, keep in mind that, deep down, there’s a feeling of not being safe. Does knowing this change how you feel about what’s happening? Instead of asking what you can do to make a behavior stop, ask, “What do you need to feel safe? What does my child need to feel safe?” And see what happens.

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