In this final discussion with Carrie Contey, we take the topic of triggers beyond the day-to-day experience of stress and struggle to the level of personal transcendence. It’s a delicious conversation that will refuel your parenting energy. Here, we’re offering a broader perspective of what it means to be triggered into a stressful reaction in your daily life with kids.
My story is about the incredible power of Story Healing and how my family was able to get through a really tough time with the help of this knowledge. I am forever grateful that I was able to help my daughter (and all of us) to heal emotionally from her difficult experience specifically because of the support I received from Rebecca to do this work.
So when you or your child has fast-tracked to red, keep in mind that, deep down, there’s a feeling of not being safe. Does knowing this change how you feel about what’s happening? Instead of asking what you can do to make a behavior stop, ask, “What do you need to feel safe? What does my child need to feel safe?” And see what happens.
Rebecca and Lianne are back again this week to talk about how stories can help with the small hurts and disappointments of everyday life. Story Healing isn’t just a technique to be used when there is trauma, but it can be an effective tool to help move through normal tantrums and upsets.
Maybe you can relate to my own tantrum story. This wasn’t my best parenting day and I’d like to say that it was also my worst, but it wasn’t. It’s a snapshot. A moment of time. And you probably have them, too.
This post is an excerpt from Chapter 2 of Consciously Parenting: What it Really Takes to Raise Emotionally Healthy Families. It also includes a video of Rebecca explaining the Brain Stoplight.
At one time or another, we’ll all probably experience something big in our lives, whether it is a hurricane, another natural disaster, or something else that wasn’t expected. We don’t have to wait until our children show signs of distress to try to help them. There’s so much we can do as things are happening and immediately after to lessen the impact of those experiences.
When we recognize that our children have reasons for those upsets (even if we don’t really get it), it gives us the opportunity to connect and actually help make it better this time, and the next time, too. Learning the skills to regulate and create more connection in the moment helps everyone to feel better, no matter how old we are and no matter what we call it.
What is a “normal parent”? Can conscious parents look to our current collective culture for attached parent models?
Studies are showing the number of children experiencing healthy emotional attachment are “abysmally low” for a modern and “advanced” society. Is parenting keeping pace with progress?
Parents today need courage to step away from the mainstream practices that are failing to foster healthy attachment.
Parents today are being given mixed messages about attachment parenting. With heavy workloads, lack of support, children with high needs, and conflicting parenting advice, many parents feel attachment parenting requires too much of them.
The truth is, responsiveness to stress and upset, and attunement to big emotions builds secure attachment – and this can be created consciously at any age or family stage.
Think of someone you feel supports you- maybe a good friend or perhaps your partner. What does this person do? Do they try to fix it? Give you a solution? Send you away? Hang up the phone until you can calm yourself down? No.
Someone who supports you probably notices how you’re feeling and stops what they’re doing to be with you. This is someone who wants you to tell them more. To keep going. Who will help hold space for the tears, the anger, the frustration.