This post is an excerpt from Chapter 2 of Consciously Parenting: What it Really Takes to Raise Emotionally Healthy Families. It also includes a video of Rebecca explaining the Brain Stoplight.
Comment from reader: I would love to have meetings in my community where parents can gather together to support each other in their consciously parenting efforts and even to offer information and guidance to parents who feel that things just aren’t going the way they had hoped.
We all grew up in the Old Story of parenting where love, respect and boundaries all had different meanings than the ones we’re trying to create for our own families and our own children. As we work to do things differently, we often get caught up in the Old Story that we don’t even know we’re telling ourselves and are recreating in our families. It takes becoming more conscious of this old story so that you can release it and embrace the New Story you’re co-creating with your family.
When we recognize that our children have reasons for those upsets (even if we don’t really get it), it gives us the opportunity to connect and actually help make it better this time, and the next time, too. Learning the skills to regulate and create more connection in the moment helps everyone to feel better, no matter how old we are and no matter what we call it.
When you have little ones, there is a lot of talk about how “it’s just a phase” and “this too shall pass,” whether it’s about picky eating, tantrums, or some other behavior deemed inappropriate in our society. While it is true that many of those behaviors do pass with time, I definitely wasn’t expecting to still witness full toddler-style tantrums with my child at 8 years old.
Moms’ Night Out! A coveted part of many moms’ lives. You get to take a shower, put on some makeup, and wear grown-up clothes. And the best part? You get to talk to grown-ups – and ones you like, for that matter. Here I was in my dress that finally fit me again, babysitter engaged, Read More
Whenever I ask a group of parents what they want for their children, the topic of respect inevitably comes up. Parents want their children to be respected, but parents also want to feel respected by their children. Many parents grew up not feeling respected themselves and most parents, it turns out, grew up having at least one experience (most had many experiences) of not being respected by an adult in their life.
Everywhere we look nowadays, children are being diagnosed and labeled with disorders based on their behavior, with acronyms being placed near their names. “Johnny has ADD, that’s why he can’t sit still.” “Sherry has RAD and that’s why she can’t attach to us.” “Vinny is on the (autism) spectrum.” But how does it help to label our children?
We’re designed to be in relationship, yet our current societal structure has most families feeling fairly isolated. Join Rebecca Thompson Hitt as she speaks to Scott Noelle about The Continuum Concept by Jean Leidloff, about the experiences of living in an indigenous community and how embracing some of the ideas in Leidloff’s book can be applied to help us find our own way in our current society. Part 1 of a 3 part series.
Beata, 2 ½, had always been a restless sleeper. It was a challenge to get her to sleep each night, and once asleep she would burrow herself into the side of one of her parents. She woke up screaming inconsolably from her naps each day and many times at night, as well. Sleep training was something that her parents decided they did not want to do, but Scott and Beth were tired. More than that, they knew that Beata was probably not getting a good night’s sleep, either.
She paused for a moment. This pause was for her. She centered herself around the realization that her child was distressed and this was how he was expressing it in this moment. She wasn’t going to do what he was demanding. That would not be healthy for either of them. But she stopped what she was doing and gave him her full attention. She ignored his behavior in this moment and focused on him, her child, who was clearly having a rough time.
I did not realize what exactly made me feel so often overwhelmed by my 3 young children (a 4-year-old and 18-month-old twins), or how my actions could be impacting their behavior. I was careful from early on not to build dependence playing with me, hoping they would learn to play on their own, which was generally successful. So I was very confused about why they usually just wanted to be held, worn, or sit on my lap instead of play. It was impacting me and making feel touched out too much of the time. I couldn’t just leave them alone without supervision to get a break, and it wasn’t good for them to have a mom with no energy or patience, either. Something needed to change.
Question: We had a huge issue with repeated disrespect and abuse from my father and we have stopped having contact completely as a result. My kids don’t understand why they can’t see their grandfather anymore and I’m not really sure how to talk to them about it. They’re still really young and telling the Read More
Your child is on the playground and falls. She isn’t injured badly, but clearly the wind has been knocked out and it scared her. What do you do? How do you feel in that moment? Are you stifling your own fears? (She could really have gotten badly injured!!) Are you feeling disconnected? (She shouldn’t have been doing that and she deserves to get hurt.) Are you proud because she brushes herself off and goes back to playing? Are you annoyed when she bursts into tears and comes running over to you?
It’s October 31 and here in the US, that means Halloween for many families. I have a love-hate relationship with this particular holiday. I love the costumes. I love watching the kiddos dress up and come to the door. But I don’t like all the candy and what that does to our family- the battles, the moodiness from the sugar, the changes in routine, the excitement of the whole thing that overwhelms the little ones. Perhaps you’ve been there, too?