I want to look back on these years – these 18 short years – and know that, while I may not have cherished every moment along the way, I really didn’t wish away the time or opt out of opportunities for connection. I want my son to know that even when I get frustrated, I still like him.
I had a really moving conversation with my 12-year-old this afternoon about the Orlando massacre. He was talking about what he’s heard – so much about the person who killed and hurt so many innocent people. He doesn’t understand how someone could kill people because of who they love and he said, “Why are there so many bad people in the world?” I could feel the heaviness in his question. It was in that moment that I realized he is only hearing the bad parts – and there are plenty – in this awful time when many of my friends and clients and loved ones are no longer safe.
When your child is doing something that makes no sense to you, you make up a story to help make sense of it. Sometimes this story is helpful. Sometimes it’s not. We all do this. And it happened to us when we were growing up, too – our parent(s) made up stories about our behaviors. Read More
Has the course already started? How is this different from your other courses in the Learning Center? What is a Healing Story Circle? Are we actually learning to rewrite stories with our kids? Does this work for older kids or even adults? How much time will it take each week? Do I need to go somewhere for this course?
So many behaviors are a mystery, especially with our kids. It often seems like they were born a certain way with interesting idiosyncrasies. Most of the time their idiosyncrasies are cute and we don’t worry too much about them. Sometimes they’re annoying. And sometimes they’re worrisome and have an impact on our relationship.
Parenting doesn’t stop the day our children turn 18 (or 19 or 20), but is a gradual process of moving in closer for support, then moving farther away to go back out into the world. And it’s a good reminder that we are all inter-dependent beings, that we all need each other, and we need to strive to remember that when we’re parenting our children as they grow.
Over the years, I have fallen in love with different philosophies of education. I love to research and find other ways of doing things and truly believe there is no one right path for even one child throughout his or her formative years. As parents, it is our responsibility to help find the best option for our child at any given time, depending upon what is available where we live, and what we all need as a family.
So when you or your child has fast-tracked to red, keep in mind that, deep down, there’s a feeling of not being safe. Does knowing this change how you feel about what’s happening? Instead of asking what you can do to make a behavior stop, ask, “What do you need to feel safe? What does my child need to feel safe?” And see what happens.
Rebecca and Lianne are back again this week to talk about how stories can help with the small hurts and disappointments of everyday life. Story Healing isn’t just a technique to be used when there is trauma, but it can be an effective tool to help move through normal tantrums and upsets.
Maybe you can relate to my own tantrum story. This wasn’t my best parenting day and I’d like to say that it was also my worst, but it wasn’t. It’s a snapshot. A moment of time. And you probably have them, too.
This post is an excerpt from Chapter 2 of Consciously Parenting: What it Really Takes to Raise Emotionally Healthy Families. It also includes a video of Rebecca explaining the Brain Stoplight.