My oldest used to have a difficult time around the holidays. It was all too much for her to take in, and she didn’t know how to tell me what it was that caused her to act so unlike herself. On day when she was four, I took her for a mommy-daughter date to do Read More
Q: There are times when I have to say no to something my child wants, but I’m not sure how to handle it when my child gets upset. Sometimes I just give in and let her have what she wants, but that doesn’t feel right and it makes it harder the next time I need Read More
I must confess that when I started September 2010 with a focus on taking good care of myself, I was secretly hoping that the month would good. Fun, even. Sure, I’d have days that were challenging for me, but going at a slower pace and nurturing myself would really help to off-set the yuck I’d encountered in past Septembers. I know that I’ve really needed to nurture myself and I was hoping that if I would just take the time to acknowledge what this month is really like for me, all would be swell.
My story is about the incredible power of Story Healing and how my family was able to get through a really tough time with the help of this knowledge. I am forever grateful that I was able to help my daughter (and all of us) to heal emotionally from her difficult experience specifically because of the support I received from Rebecca to do this work.
So when you or your child has fast-tracked to red, keep in mind that, deep down, there’s a feeling of not being safe. Does knowing this change how you feel about what’s happening? Instead of asking what you can do to make a behavior stop, ask, “What do you need to feel safe? What does my child need to feel safe?” And see what happens.
Rebecca and Lianne are back again this week to talk about how stories can help with the small hurts and disappointments of everyday life. Story Healing isn’t just a technique to be used when there is trauma, but it can be an effective tool to help move through normal tantrums and upsets.
Realizing that early experiences do matter can often be upsetting to new parents. It’s so easy to accept blame whether we had control of the circumstances or not. But take heart, for this is not a “doomed” situation! Healing Stories is a tool that offers so much hope to families because those experiences don’t have to have a lasting negative effect.
Maybe you can relate to my own tantrum story. This wasn’t my best parenting day and I’d like to say that it was also my worst, but it wasn’t. It’s a snapshot. A moment of time. And you probably have them, too.
This post is an excerpt from Chapter 2 of Consciously Parenting: What it Really Takes to Raise Emotionally Healthy Families. It also includes a video of Rebecca explaining the Brain Stoplight.
We just don’t know what is happening in a stranger’s life. Because we have no idea what story someone else is living, compassion should be our first response, if possible.
We all grew up in the Old Story of parenting where love, respect and boundaries all had different meanings than the ones we’re trying to create for our own families and our own children. As we work to do things differently, we often get caught up in the Old Story that we don’t even know we’re telling ourselves and are recreating in our families. It takes becoming more conscious of this old story so that you can release it and embrace the New Story you’re co-creating with your family.
At one time or another, we’ll all probably experience something big in our lives, whether it is a hurricane, another natural disaster, or something else that wasn’t expected. We don’t have to wait until our children show signs of distress to try to help them. There’s so much we can do as things are happening and immediately after to lessen the impact of those experiences.