We believe that parenting is one of the hardest jobs you’ll ever have, and yet, it can be one of the most rewarding. It can be one of the loneliest, under-appreciated and under-supported jobs in existence. And yet, we’ve all signed up one way or another and we need to find a way to be supported and to support one another.
I’ve been a parent now for 19 years, and this past month has been one of the most intense, on my knees in tears experiences, for many, many reasons. At the same time, it’s been a time of deep connection and support, reminding me how resilient we all are when we can work together, stay the course in honesty and authenticity with one another, and actually be present for one another in our struggles.
Parenting doesn’t stop the day our children turn 18 (or 19 or 20), but is a gradual process of moving in closer for support, then moving farther away to go back out into the world. And it’s a good reminder that we are all inter-dependent beings, that we all need each other, and we need to strive to remember that when we’re parenting our children as they grow.
I’ve had so many struggles as we’ve reintegrated back into the United States from our time of living in Mexico. We returned at the beginning of November and it feels like it’s been one thing after another. It has. From our only car blowing a head gasket (among other problems) on the way to pick us up from the airport with my oldest son driving, to my husband’s health issues, financial stress, and moving, it’s really an understatement to say that it’s been rough. I’ve needed a lot of support from my friends to get through the rough spots. I’m reminded that our resilience comes not from doing everything ourselves, but in knowing there are others nearby who can help when the load gets too heavy.
I’m reminded that our children need the same thing, despite our culture’s insistence that we work to make them independent. Why do we treat our children, in this culture, as if they don’t have human needs for connection and support? Are our children any different than we are in that way? How can we create a family that supports one another and fosters resilience for all of us?
Together we are stronger.
Together we can find a way.
Together we are resilient.
This has been our motto as a family over the past 2 months time. Doesn’t that feel better than, “You are strong. You figure it out by yourself,” as our culture often insists?
I’m all for helping our kids find their own way AND still remembering that there are times for all of us when together is better. That was definitely one of the most important lessons I experienced in Mexico from the lovely people there.
Try these words in your family and see how they feel:
Together we are stronger.
Together we can find a way.
And remember that together we are resilient.
Below you’ll find a video about what We Believe here at The Consciously Parenting Project. It will help you know if you’re in the right place!
You’ll also see some packages we’ve put together to support your family as we move into the New Year. Each one starts with a quote. If it resonates with you, click to learn more.
They’re on sale through January 5 to help you get a good connected start on the New Year.
(If you’re a supporting member, these packages are in the Learning Center now for you to enjoy.)
Wishing you a lovely holiday weekend!
What we believe at The Consciously Parenting Project
I recorded this video this week when I was clarifying what we believe here at The Consciously Parenting Project. Please watch and share if it resonates with you.
Consciously Parenting 101: Dive into Book 1 with Rebecca
“I’m striving for my family to be emotionally healthy, unlike my own family when I was growing up. I want to find a way to set loving boundaries so I don’t feel walked over. I need to find a way to handle feelings that feels better for us all. My goal is to have things feel better all around in my family.”
If I could recommend just one resource to all families, it would be the Consciously Parenting 101: Dive into Book 1. Whether you’re working to heal or integrate experiences together or you’re doing ok and just want to keep heading in that direction as your children grow, no matter how old your kids are (even if you haven’t conceived yet), this is the resource for you.
Book 1, Consciously Parenting: What it Really Takes to Raise Emotionally Healthy Families, touches on all the areas of family life that parents get stuck. Feelings, boundaries, understanding what your child is communicating, learning how to prioritize the relationship, and making space for your own needs to be met. It’s a growth tool that doesn’t judge or shame, but helps you to see things in a new and healthier way.
The short videos help guide you through the material and into application in your home in a very practical way. The ideas are grounded in science and common sense and guide you back to your own inner knowing about yourself and your family. I’ve spent the last 8 months recording the content and now it’s ready for you and your family to make 2018 your best year yet, no matter what life throws at you. It’s about resilience and the ability to weather whatever happens—together.
The package comes with 8 modules, each with about four 5-9 minute videos for a total of over 3.5 hours of content. You also get both the full audiobook and the PDF version so you can follow along. Exercises and practical things you can do in every module are included to help you really understand the material and apply it to YOUR family, starting today.
Early Parenting Course Bundle
“I want to understand my little one’s communications in a deeper way. I hear that there’s a story I’m being shown and I’d love to dig in to the mystery and connect in a deeper way. Oh, and sleep. More sleep would be great. Can we talk more about sleep? And tantrums and emotional upsets, too? Not just for my kid…”
(Included in Consciously Parenting membership!)
In our Early Parenting Bundle, we tackle some of the trickiest challenges for parents with young children:
Sleep (over 4 hours of content)- We explore this topic for the kiddos and what’s normal and not normal, gentle solutions for sleep when it isn’t working, and provide a simple, do-able strategy for helping you, the parent, get more rest in real life (from a parent who’s been there).
Tantrums and Emotional Upsets (one hour in short segments, matching the available time of a parent with a toddler)- One moment, they seem SO together and smart! And the next minute they’re flipping out because their toast is the wrong shape. This course helps you to understand what’s happening and how you can respond to your child in a way that actually helps tantrums happen less often, and when they do, lasting much less time. It’s about the skill of regulation and your role in helping that to happen in daily life with your child, not just getting it to stop in this moment. It’s in toddler-sized videos that can match the attention span of a sleep-deprived parent.
Healing Stories (over 4 hours of content) and Story Sharing (one hour)- As parents, we know our kids better than anyone else. When we have tools to help us sharpen our “Spidey” senses, we can get to know our children in a whole new way. We are including our favorite tools to help you begin to understand your child’s experiences, and make space for yours so you can find your own answers in our Healing Stories series. And we help you to go even deeper with “Story Sharing” with Ray Castellino and Mary Jackson of aboutconnections.org, as an exclusive bonus.
Story Sharing goes more in depth to discuss how babies and families share stories to resolve early trauma, a primer for families wanting to do deeper healing work, as well as those who are looking to create more connection. It’s warm and lovely just to listen to them share and their love of babies and families is very evident. You’ll fall in love with them and their process.
Hope: a course bundle for healing
“I know what has happened to my kids and the way I’ve handled it has impacted our whole family. I get that. But how do I fix it for them and for me?”
(Included in Consciously Parenting membership!)
Does your family need deeper healing?
If you’ve had a lot of upsetting events, relationships that don’t feel good, dysfunctional relationships, emotional, physical, or sexual abuse, addiction, trauma, divorce, or you grew up in a dysfunctional family with any of those experiences, the HOPE package is for you. This bundle gives you support to understand your own story and your child’s story so that you can create healing and integration in your family.
Changing Your Life’s Story (5 hours of content) is probably the glue that holds all this content together. You’ll learn why experiences that happen before we can “remember” them matter, why attachment isn’t something that’s over once a child turns 3, how the physical body tells the story, how to heal through telling your story, and then how you can change your behavior patterns. It’s deep and comprehensive and can literally change you and your family in a profound way.
Healing Stories (over 4 hours of content) is a tool you can use to help you to create a safe space in your home to connect with your own experience and your child’s experience, even with babies. Start at the beginning of the series, even if you no longer have little ones, as it contains a lot of the important components of Healing Stories. Each step will guide you through the shifts you need to make to heal.
The Attachment Stories course (about an hour of content) helps you to understand your own patterns of attachment in relationships and your child’s, too. The last video contains suggestions for how you can create more connection with your child, regardless of what has happened before, starting right now.
As a bonus, you’ll get the Attachment (not parenting) for Healthy Development (20 minutes in short segments), what attachment looks like at all ages of development, what survival has to do with attachment and how that shows up in our bodies, attachment and the grown-ups as we look at our own attachment patterns, and more on attachment and bonding with our kids of all ages.