The Santa Issue

[Lianne]

Anyone want to talk about the pros and cons of "doing" Santa, and how to deal with family members if you choose to do things differently than the norm?

We haven't completely solidified our plan, but we know we won't be doing the traditional thing of telling the kids that Santa comes and brings gifts, etc. We will probably frame it as a story that is fun to pretend and go from there.

I definitely don't have any judgement for anyone who does Santa, we are just figuring out what feels right for our family.

Thoughts?

[sbeardslee]

I noticed no one has responded to your question Lianne, so I'm going to share my thoughts.

We don't do Santa, or any other commercial aspects of Christmas. It's not something I make a big deal out of, or even mention unless people ask. When my oldest son was about 3, I pointed to a picture of Santa in the newspaper and asked him if he knew who it was. He looked carefully, and then said, "um, George W. Bush?" How many 3 year olds know who the President is, but not Santa!

Anyway, yes, I do get some negative feedback and there are people who think I am being mean and unfair to my children. I'm over it. You met my kids....they aren't deprived in any way. Not "doing" Santa isn't the norm, but my kids certainly aren't suffering b/c of it. My youngest doesn't have a clue anyway, and my oldest is old enough to understand why we don't.

Good luck with your decision.
Shari

[greenbeanbanshee]

I completely second Shari's response in every way. We don't do the Santa thing either. I don't feel right about it for so many reasons. That's just me personally. And my kids don't miss out on anything! They are bombarded with this society all year round...the commercialism and the expectations of it all. I feel no need to shove it down their throats for a whole month. But the aspects of family time, and the good food, and the closeness you feel during this season is very precious to us. I really do enjoy that part and it's the part that we focus on. Those are the memories I want to give my kiddos.

[Lianne]

Thanks for sharing The consumerism is another part of it that bothers me, so we're going to concentrate on giving to others and making surprises for each other. Depending on how Allen takes the story and playing it by ear, we'll figure out what we want to do about the actual tradition as it happens in our family.

So funny that he asked if it was George W. Bush, Shari

[Rebecca]

This part has always been hard for me because when we go visit relatives, there is such an emphasis on consumerism with mounds of presents. Here we are, trying to scale back and put relationship back into the season. Of course, relatives have a right to their own path. That works for them. It is so hard to explain why their Santa brought them the world and our "Spirit of Santa" just brought one small gift. (We did do Santa, but work to use the idea of "Spirit of Santa" instead of a jolly man on a sleigh with 8 reindeer, though we do tell that story to our kids.) I guess the same holds in our neighborhood where some of the Santa's are very, very generous. Last year, ours brought drums via UPS and we sat around with our drums on Christmas day. It was really fun.

The year before, we went on a family train ride after Christmas and that was our big family gift. Sometimes it is really hard doing things differently than others in our society, but it can also be a whole lot more fun to think outside the box!!

[Lianne]

You're right - a big part of it is society and pressure. Boy, that comes up all over the place in parenting, doesn't it?

We already have to curb the presents on Christmas b/c it's so overwhelming for Allen. I end up sticking them in my closet and pulling one out when we are wanting something new to do or play with. It's fun all year that way, and we can enjoy everything rather than be bombarded one day and see many things tossed aside.

[LuckyMommy]

Oh, the Santa thing -- this is my biggest parenting regret so far!

In my family growing up, we celebrated Christmas, but not really Santa Claus (my mother was from a different country and I guess Santa Claus wasn't such a big deal...)

My partner and I enjoyed playing Santa every year since our daughter was a baby -- staying up late after the kids went to sleep to wrap the presents and put them under the tree, filling their stockings, eating the cookies and carrots we left out, acting surprised and excited with them in the morning to find the presents! It was so fun to be able to create such a completely magical experience for our children.

When our daughter was in 1st grade, she came home telling us that someone at school told her Santa wasn't real. We acted confused by such a strange statement and assured her that of course Santa was real. Her reaction was so cute -- she pumped her fist in the air and said "I knew it!!" Like, of course that kid was full of it and she couldn't wait to tell him.

In the summer after 2nd grade, she brought up the question a couple more times (other children whose families didn't celebrate Christmas and/or do Santa kept telling her it wasn't real,) and we kept telling her that of course Santa Claus was real -- but I was feeling more and more uncomfortable about how much more aggressively we were having to lie to her to convince her of this. And it was kind of difficult to on the one hand be trying to reassure her that there's no such thing as monsters / scary magic type things, but on the other hand insisting that Santa was real.

So, since she kept bringing it up, we assumed that she really already knew the truth and just wanted confirmation from us. So we decided that we would tell her. The second it was out of my mouth, I knew I had made a huge mistake. She didn't really already know... her face just crumbled and she was devastated. She spent the rest of the evening just sobbing and sobbing while we just held her. When we finally got her to sleep, we came downstairs and just sobbed and sobbed over what we'd done to her. Then I got on the internet and found all these various posts about families who did the "Santa Story" or the "Santa Game," and how devastated people had been when they'd learned that Santa wasn't real. Who knew???? The whole thing just blind-sided us. For days (weeks?) after you could see her face fall every time she remembered this new information. And then she made the painful realization that the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy must not be real either. It was just horrible -- the combination of finding out these wonderful, magical things weren't real and the fact that we'd been lying to her about it -- I think she really felt betrayed.

We thought we'd ruined Christmas for her. But she did end up having a nice Christmas this past year anyway. I think it was good that the truth came out quite far away from Christmas, so she had time to recover. And we made sure to go to just as much effort and include all the little details -- so I think that she found Christmas almost as good as the ones when Santa was still real to her.

Anyway, just thought I'd share this story in case it helps someone avoid making the same mistake we made!

[Lianne]

This is the topic that keeps going for us!

Santa has come up a couple of times in the past year since I first posted. There have been a couple of toys we gave Allen for Christmas that he thinks Santa brought. We don't really know what to say - I've told him that we gave it to him, but he insists that it came from Santa. At one point I told him that Santa was a fun story to pretend and he told me I was wrong

So this year, another year older and wiser, he just knows Santa is coming. He's said he wants Santa to bring him a robot, and he's prayed, "Dear God, please tell Santa I want a robot for Christmas. Amen." I mean, seriously, he is just really into it and we have done nothing to encourage it.

At this point, we just aren't saying anything. He obviously thinks it's a really fun idea, and wants to believe. He asked for one item and we are giving it to him, and if he wants to think Santa brought it, then whatever. I'm not going to crush the poor kid. But if he asks me if I bought it, I will say yes, and remind him the fun of pretending the Santa story. We'll see how it goes.

Anyone else have anything to share on this topic as another year has gone by?