Allowance / Earning Money

[Lianne]

I wasn't expecting this to come up quite yet, but here we are! Allen is 4.5 and wants to earn some spending money. I am totally at a loss as to how to approach this topic, and would love to hear what others have done.

He is generally very helpful, and I expect that as I feel like that's how a family works. I see value in him earning money for "above and beyond" jobs or something like that, but don't want his life to turn in to a big "what's in it for me" party, you know? There are reasons to help out besides getting paid.

We are typically a no-reward house - we don't reward for good behavior or punish for bad behavior. We don't even use praise to try to reinforce certain behaviors or negotiate food-eating with rewards or desserts. It's just something I am very conscious of and we don't do it. I give him gifts randomly, whenever I feel like it. Going to the store, he may or may not get something (many times I let him pick out some special fruit or something like that - I try to let him be part of it, after all, *I* am getting all kinds of things, right? ) He is familiar with the phrase, "I didn't bring money for that today" and is usually ok with it. He just recently spent $10 he got for his bday in Feb. that he was saving, which seems to have started this whole phenomenon.

[dolphins]

I am the same way down the line with you and the phrase of not enough with us today - I've had many children come into my home to stay temp and wanted to so much pass all of this on to them so they had at least one thing to take home with them (I'm a foster parent) - - contribution - - with the extra money earning part - I tied it into the random gift giving into this - - I have the kids make their wish list of things, like some do for the Santa list, and then when the extra above and beyond are done I will make sure, no matter what, that my random gift is something off that list and MOST times I'll also place a dollar or two with the gift and say “that was the change from purchase and thought they might want to have it to save up” - - I did this thinking it would help curb the idea of "what's in it for me" for contributions to the family and REALLY hoping it would work. Plus it does give them a little bit of their own real cash.

[Rebecca]

This has been a very interesting journey for me. I've tried lots of different things with this- from having a weekly allowance just for being part of the family (not tied to something specific that he does or doesn't do) mostly to teach him how to handle his money and having special jobs that do earn money. When my kids sweep the floor or empty the dishwasher, they don't get paid and we talk specifically about those tasks as being part of keeping our family running. But last week, Zack (my 10 1/2 year old) offered to clean out the car. We bargained together to determine a fair price for the job. It is something extra (though it had gotten to the point that it was no longer an option to wait any longer) and it would make it easier for me to not do it. AND he does a better job than I do. He is meticulous and spends way more time vacuuming out cracks than I would ever do.

So I don't have a list on the fridge with how much money I'll pay for certain tasks, but I allow them to let me know if they would like to earn so money and what they would be willing to do. When Zack was Allen's age, we'd talk about how much a job was worth (at that point for the jobs he could do, it was generally a quarter or maybe up to $1). Or you could go with earning $1/week or something just for being him (not tied to specific tasks). Or maybe this has sparked another idea for how you could approach it!

I would love to hear what others are doing with the allowance issue! Share what has worked (or not) in your own family!

[Karen Adams]

This brings back so many memories of my now 29, 26, and 20 yr olds!

I think it comes down to, in many ways in our mainstream American culture, money is power. So, kids soak that idea up whether we agree with all that implies or not.

I did various things at various times (I have been poor financially most of my life, so there truly *wasn't* money for much). I *never* punished with money, even back in the day when I did "reasonable consequences". Sometimes the kids got allowance just for being alive (just like I spent some of my budget just for fun). Jobs could earn extra--not the daily stuff--that was just to keep the family running and the health dept from condemning the building <smile>.

I know that money (see first paragraph) is really tough for foster kids. They ahve truly been neglected, and the pervasive thinking of our culture really tweaks wiht them. They feel *less than* in one more way when they is no money burning a hole in the pocket.

I don't think there a lot of *wrongs* with money and kids, when we are *consciously parenting*! Then, we are sure we are not rewarding or punishing with it, and that takes some of that power away. It makes money just one more practical life experience.

My adult kids are all quite frugal--buying only on sale, and at thrift stores, etc, even though they can *afford* to waste money! My son and his new wife paid for their own wedding ($6500 inc wedding, reception, dress, rings, photographer), and did much of it themselves.

What was wonderful was their attitudes-- that it was reasonable to get the dress at Filene's "running of the brides" (plus have the stories to tell) and to do-it-yourself cater the reception (I was a big part of the yourself, and had a blast!).

None of my kids has a "deprived" attitude, and we really haven't had alot materially, but we are safe and comfortable.

So, I look back and think of it as meeting the deep needs of the kids (what I saw not met in the fosters) and then money can just be what it is--a tool for life.

Warmly, Karen

[greenbeanbanshee]

I do not normally bargain for chores or anything. Chores are chores and *I* don't get paid to do them! But here's what happened in my house recently: I wasn't feeling well, but I knew the living room was a horrid mess and I just knew that that's when people would drop by unexpectedly. I began to get nervous about it. My daughter was lounging around in bed with me and I gave her a dollar bill and told her, "Give this to your brother and tell him mama REALLY needs him to stop whatever he's doing and clean the living room. It's so important, I'm paying him a dollar. Remind him that I don't normally pay for chores, so this is pretty cool." I just knew he'd be thrilled and do it right away! Aahh....I put my head down on the pillow and finally relaxed. About 3 minutes later, just as I'm dozing off, my daughter comes back with the dollar bill....AND....a quarter. She says, "Tyler says he'll pay YOU to do it."

So apparently money for chores doesn't work in my house. And no, the living room never got cleaned that day. People did randomly stop by, they saw us in our natural state, and we lived to tell the tale.

[LindaR]

Oh Bethany, that is THE funniest story I've heard all day!! Thank you!!