Pity Party at my house; B.Y.O.S.S.

[sbeardslee]

BYOSS: Bring Your Own Sob Story

As I hear everyone's plans for this evening I swirm in my seat a little, trying to avoid the additional pain of the knife going a little deeper into my heart. I'll be bringing in the New Year alone this year. In fact, I'll probably crash around 11 and call it a year.

My son can't handle a party, but no worries, no one invited us. Well, my sister in law sort of invited us, but it was only when she knew I would say "no". She told me weeks ago that they were having a party, but only extended an invitation a few days ago when I was telling her my son's current horrendous behaviors. It was a safe time to ask since obviously I couldn't say "yes". So we'll be sitting home alone.....again. We could play games, but my son can't handle doing anything cooperatively with his brothers and definitely can't handle losing. We can't even order a pizza b/c my younger son has a dairy allergy. I know....I'll send them to bed early and plop myself on the couch with a carton of ice cream.....oh wait, I just remembered my son took the whole carton to his room and ate it. Maybe I'll just go to bed with them at 8, and have sweet dream of pizza, ice cream and a New Year filled with hope, healing and happiness.

Happy New Year my friends,
Shari

[greenbeanbanshee]

Shari, You are so funny. Yes, we should have a BYOSS party every now and again. I didn't go to any parties either. We did order chinese take out and I opened up a bottle of wine (a little early, I must admit). My kids and I put on some tunes and rocked out in the kitchen. Even Tyler did a little bit of dancing! :D We actually had a lot of fun.

But I know what you mean about how it's so easy to feel like you've been left out of the real world. It can hurt our feelings so easily. :( And people don't understand how hard we work and that hurts, too. It can hurt even worse when it's our own family, because I think we expect them to just support us no matter what...and so often they don't. They just don't understand how. That is why we have to keep reaching out for those who DO "get it". That way we can create our new family, to help us build those blueprints that we really need and deserve.

I'm so glad you're on these forums. And I'm so grateful to have met you, Shari. You have given me so much support and friendship. You were not alone last night. Because you were on my mind, and in a way, you were here with me. :hug

I love you, Shari!

~Bethany

[Mom22]

Hi Shari,

Sorry to hear that your New Year is getting off to such a hard start. :hug


My son can't handle a party, but no worries, no one invited us.

It's such a double-edged sword, isn't it?

We did have an invitation that was not only a New Years Eve party but my in-laws Christmas gift exchange get-together. So there was a lot of pressure to go. I have been sick for a few days, and the kids were overtired from having my sister and b-i-l here for 5 days. And there was an expectation that we would stay till midnight, which kind of freaked me out.

I originally planned to stay till 10 or 10:15 but we didn't start gift openings till almost 9:30. The kids seemed to be having fun and dh was content to stay but I had him get the car all packed so we could make a quick escape, if needed.

It was almost 11 and ds 5 was downstairs playing with the train set, my dd and his cousins were upstairs making quite a lot of noise, running around and squealing. Ds heard them and headed upstairs and I thought "yikes, that's adding fuel to the fire." I headed up after him, and before I got to the top of the stairs his cousin was screaming that my son had hit him in the belly. My son was hiding so it took a few moments to find him. I was upset. I said sternly, It's time to go home. He answered, I'm not going. I repeated myself and so did he. Then I breathed. I bent down to his level and told him that I still wasn't feeling well and that I needed to go home. He still said, I'm not going. I embraced him and told him that I don't go without him, that I never leave him behind. He hugged me back and said simply, I want to go home.

Silly me, I thought I was doing him a favor by staying out later than I wanted to. But he was past his limit and needed me to step in. Maybe his cousins could handle it, but it was too much for him.

We came home, the 4 of us got in bed, dh turned on the Times Square show, we all kissed at midnight, and I think I was the only one still awake at 12:05.

Today, we had no invitations so we had a quiet day and dinner by ourselves. I felt a little sad that we had no invites but I really didn't want to have the kids out late again and since I wasn't feeling well, I didn't want to host anything. This way, we had an early dinner and my dh is getting the kids ready for bed now. It's a little boring, but it's for the best.


So we'll be sitting home alone.....again. We could play games, but my son can't handle doing anything cooperatively with his brothers and definitely can't handle losing. We can't even order a pizza b/c my younger son has a dairy allergy. I know....I'll send them to bed early and plop myself on the couch with a carton of ice cream.....oh wait, I just remembered my son took the whole carton to his room and ate it.


That's a lot of disappointment there, Shari. Lots of having to re-define your expectations and create an alternate tradition. And society really puts so much pressure on New Year's Eve. I remember a long time ago in my post-college, pre-marriage days when I was not in a party mood and did not feel like faking it. I actually lied to my family that I was going out with friends and then lied to my friends and said I was going to my family's and then I spent a quiet New Year's Eve by myself in my apartment. Not ideal, but ultimately I think I felt empowered that I didn't just go out b/c that was the expectation.


But I know what you mean about how it's so easy to feel like you've been left out of the real world. It can hurt our feelings so easily.


Bethany, that really is at the core of it, isn't it. The yearning to fit in, to feel accepted, to feel wanted, to be understood. Sigh.

Wishing you both much happiness and healing in the new year.

Theresa