Getting my kids to bed and asleep.

[booboo]

I recently finished the CB intro class and I am still finding it difficult at night putting my kids to bed. My 8 yr old daughter gets clingy and then I get irritable with her then she becomes more needy. And I go and take a time-out 5 minutes. I believe that she is so hypersensitive to my emotional state and then hers increases. Today, I thought my cup was filled after an afternoon of Yoga. I know she is reacting to my irritability.:cloud9 I just want her to go to sleep. I am so stuck with this and need some help.

[Rebecca]

Sounds like a negative feedback loop. Good that you realize that your own emotional state is contributing to your daughter's dysregulation at bedtime. Taking care of yourself is an important piece of the puzzle, so I'm glad to hear that you are working to take care of yourself. Yoga is an excellent choice for many, many reasons.

But let's go a bit deeper. What feelings does it bring up in you when your daughter gets clingy? I hear that you push her away, but what is the feeling before you leave the room? Connect with your own experiences from the past consciously. What happened when you were growing up and experienced a need for time, attention, or whatever? Were you greeted warmly with open arms? Many times our reactions to our children stem from our own unmet needs. Once you have acknowledged where this is coming from and can express those feelings to someone safe who can hear what you need to say about those experiences (or some people find writing about those experiences also works), you will be able to be more present and patient with your daughter at bedtime. This will interrupt the negative feedback loop that you're in with your daughter.

It may help to spend some good, connected time a bit earlier than bedtime, if you can. It may be that, for a while, she just needs you to really be present with her, particularly at bedtime. This is a difficult transition for many children. Your ability to stay calm will help her learn to calm her own body and mind at this time, which will, in time, take care of the problem completely. (Of course, at that point, it probably won't matter to you anymore and you may actually look forward to spending that time with her at night. This is what happened for me.)

Some children are very hypersensitive to stress and this really brings our own issues right up to the surface so that we can work through them. Please let me know if you have any questions.

Best wishes for a peaceful transition to bed in the near future!

[KidsRMe]

i have found that putting my kids to sleep is tough...sometimes i even hear the tv on when they think im gone

[booboo]

I just wanted to update that I have returned to the rocker with my daughter before bedtime for the last few months. She really loves to be rocked. She is 8 years old. This quiet time in the dark rocking helps sooth her and me before putting her in her bed. I have simply resoved that she is much younger at bedtime and has alot more neediness at the time of day. And if she is about ready to fall asleep before getting in to bed it works better. It helped just to write on the on here.;)

[Rebecca]

I'm glad that you have found something that is working for you and your daughter. It sounds like a wonderful opportunity to nurture her at bedtime and help her calm down to sleep.

Thank you for checking back in with your update. Are you enjoying bedtime more now? It certainly sounds like you are now more at peace and I'm glad to hear that!

Keep us up to date as things progress and change. I know others like to hear how these turn out as well!