Getting ready to return to school?

[Rebecca]

My son is getting ready to start school on Monday. He's going into the 4th grade after 3 years homeschooling. Anyone else getting ready to start school and have concerns on your mind? Feel free to share them here and we can all support each other!

If you haven't heard Heather Forbes' interview with Alfie Kohn about homework, check it out and let me know what you think of it. He wrote a book called The Homework Myth. Has anyone read that? Here's the link to the free audio: http://www.10backtoschooltips.com

I am feeling a little nervous about the first day of school. And I'm not going!! Anyone else feeling the same way?

[Teresa]

I'm really nervous too. In a previous post, I shared about Innovations Academy, a new charter school in our area and all the pros and cons of moving our kids there or not. I too have a 4th-grader-to-be (in 2 weeks) and I'm especially nervous for him. This school is unlike any other school I've heard of and will be a LOT different than the school they've been going to. There will be NO homework, 2 of the 5 days a week are "village days" where community experts come in to teach (i.e. a technician from Legoland comes in to teach science and math concepts and someone from the San Diego Opera will come in to do music with them), they do neurocognitive teaching and utilize the "8 to Great" program to teach and use "non-violent communication" with and between the kids. All of this sounds almost too good to be true. On the other hand, how will my son with major depression, ADHD, ODD and RAD deal with the reduced structure? Of 150 students they have less than a dozen with IEP's (including my two sons) and after giving them the worst case scenarios, they still seemed confident and didn't even flinch.

We have "placement" appointments on Tuesday where the kids will meet their teachers, see the classrooms and explore a little. Each of their "homeroom" teachers will evaluate their academic levels and they will be grouped accordingly (classes are not structured by age=grade, but by where each child is currently in academic learning so there could be a class with children of varying ages and they move at their own pace). They are trying very hard to make school a place where kids can be comfortable and not stressed out.

It is very exciting but a little scary to be jumping into a brand new school with no history, that is 30 minutes away from home and will be a huge transition academically and socially (new friends to make, etc). Especially when the school we are leaving has been so good (as public schools go) and supportive of us and the kids and their challenges - they have gone above and beyond what I ever expected to work with us and proactively help the boys instead of responding when things get to a crisis point. Hard to leave that support behind but truly hopeful that this new place will be even more supportive and a much better place for the kids.

Teresa

[Rebecca]

Hi Teresa,
I hear your concerns. It is a big transition for you, just as it is for the kids! I know I finally realized that I wasn't going "home" for Christmas every year because it was too much for me, though I have kept using my kids as the reason I didn't want to go. It is good that you recognize that your fears are a factor here. Of course, it is totally normal to be anxious about all these changes, wondering how your kids are going to handle them.

It sounds like you might need some more information to help you feel more comfortable with this. Perhaps you could ask the school how they've handled kids like your son in the past- what issues came up. And if they have any suggestions for how to prepare him for school. You are truly a concerned parent and you have a right to be heard. And schools, especially the one you are moving to from what you've said and what I read, is very child-centered. They want your family to be successful here just like you want. You're on the same team, so ask questions until you are feeling better.

I'm excited for your kids that they are going to have an educational opportunity like that! I can't wait to hear how it goes for all of you.

Maybe spend some time writing out your fears and then write up the vision for what it would look like if everything went perfectly for your kids during this transition. Dream big. If you can imagine it, it helps you to understand that it is really a possibility. Open the space up for that to happen.

Let us know how it goes and how you're doing in the meantime with your own process.

[kmjjer2911]

:) and :(

Those two smiley faces sum up my children's view of school today. My 10 year old girl had a great day. She does not deal with too much of a trauma history.

My 8 year old son, 2nd grader, summed his day up with a thumbs down. After some aggression and hyperness, late in the afternoon, he opened up to me verbally about his day. I actually got out paper and I started a "did not go well list" and a "thumbs up, went really well list." Well as he walked and jumped around the room and furniture, he started talking about his day. Most of the negative revolved around and incident with a friend of his who happened to twist our son's finger and bend it backwards in response to my son asking "hey dude, how are you doing?" Well, the friend did not answer the first time, so my son asked him 3 times, and finally the friend answered back with finger twisting. Guess I need to talk to my son about just asking once or twice and then letting it go. They are in separate classes so they met up in the bathroom during a lunch break.

My son listed many dysregulating things from his first day back at school. He has been very dysregualted at home because he saves all his stress for the safe and loving home where he can trust mommy, daddy and sister.

We will have to see how the next 4 weeks go.

BIG QUESTION for the home school and private/public school moms.....

What are the signs that we should pull our son out and homeschool him? This is only the first day back so I really feel we need to give it 4 weeks - is that right? He might settle in and do okay and then maybe not.

He did very well in Pre-k and K and halfway through 1st grade. His trauma history behaviors started showing up as stress in school last January 2008. So our spring semester was very rough. He did fairly well at school but once he was home, it was very hard regulating him after school and before school just to get there. He does great academically in all areas. He gets along great with most all of the children. And he is usually respectful and obedient. However, if every day is like today and like last spring semester where he is stuffing all his stress and then releasing it at home as we process with him....is that a good thing or would it be better to home school to avoid all the dysregualtion of school to begin with?? I am open to home schooling him seriously but want to make sure we give 2nd grade a full chance.

Big, deep questions...what would you say??

Kathy

[kmjjer2911]

P.S. Our children attend a private small Christian school where the director and teachers are very willing to work with us in creating a great learning environment for our son. We live around the block and can walk to school on nice days. The school day is short - only 6 hours compared to most schools and I can get them there and back home within 2 minutes.

They eat lunch in their classes while the teacher reads - very regulating and that was one of my son's huge plusses of the day. The teacher put my son on the front row center with a space to his left and a very nice girl to his right. I gave the teacher the Post educator's letter to read so she is willing to hear what we have to say.

The school is not test-hungry meaning they do not teach to the test. They teach a love of learning, classical education and use a lot of Charlotte Mason hands on learning.

However, being away from mom 6 hours a day after being by my side for 24 hours a day during the summer....well that's a long time for our son!

Can't wait to hear feed back and a great discussion about home school and going to school!!

Kathy

[Rebecca]

This is such a good topic and question. I was hoping someone else would jump in, but perhaps all the readers are waiting for the answers, too.

I'm wondering how the rest of this week has gone so far. It can be rough at first, even if might go well later.

It so depends on so many factors and will definitely require you to tap into your motherly instincts. I think you'll know if it is too much for him and there will be no question if he needs to be pulled out. I don't think it has to be a certain amount of time. My son was in 1st grade for 8 weeks, but I knew long before that that it wasn't working for him. It just took me a while to get an agreement from my husband to pull him out.

Some other options that families have worked out with school is taking the child out early every day or certain days of the week. That could be for a short or a long time, depending upon what you think he needs. Some kids do better if mom or dad comes in at lunch time to reconnect and are able to manage the rest of the day. It sounds like you have a great school willing to work with you, so that is a great thing.

Let us know how things are going. I know you'll do what he needs to help him move forward and I can't wait to hear about it.

How is school going for everyone who has started school at this point?

[vsbieber]

Hi! We started school on Tuesday of this week and these first two weeks are 4 days long instead of 5.
The first day started out pretty good. second day I got a phone call, the teacher just wanted to make sure we are on the same page. They had some behaviors coming in from recess. Plus on top of this my son is off meds and taking fish oil 1,000mg and B-complex vitamin. I am hoping to stay away from medication that doesn't work. I feel the adults around my son need to work with him and help with regulation.
The next day he turned things around. Then today I sent in treats for his 13th Birthday tomorrow and got a nice Thank you. Then my son told me he got 5 reds today then tells me a girl in his class had 2 sezures(sp) That is stressfull on the whole class not just my son. He struggled with this last year too. Ok we get to start fresh for next week.

VirLinda

[wdvance]

Let celebrate about the ability to turn things around. That is HUGE!:clap
It is so encouraging when our children do things once, it takes time for it to happen on a regular basis. Let's remember that we are not always at our best daily.

I am happy for your family Virlinda. Keep us posted.

Wilma

[Mom22]

Hi all,

I have a few questions about school, but first let me post 2 funny conversations with my ds – who very reluctantly started kindergarten last week and who expressed lots of concerns about missing mommy while at school.

The night before his 1st day of school, my dh was talking to him about kindergarten and said: “You have 2 jobs when it comes to kindergarten. The first is to have fun and the second is to learn new things.” Ds looked up at his dad, and says “And the third thing is to GO to kindergarten.” :D Oops, daddy may have been assuming too much.

When I picked up ds after his 1st day, I asked him if it was hard, or if it was not as hard as he thought it would be. He answers “It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. I didn’t care about you because I was having fun.” :lol My dd, who happily went off to her 1st day of school, says “Me too!”

Gotta love 'em!

Theresa

[kmjjer2911]

:clap

Wow, as of Monday, Sept. 8, I am home schooling our 8 year old son, 2nd grade. He went to 2 weeks of 2nd grade and really endured major stress on most of those days.

I am sooooo excited and my son is soooooooo even more excited to be home schooled!

There are soooo many details I could post - as you know I am a big story teller. But with all the transitions and stress of the last two weeks, I am quite tired and it is only 9:43 p.m!

My son did great in pre-k, kind., and 1st grade even though his RAD behaviors surfaced at age 5 in pre-k. He contained his stress and held it in during school and let it out at home. OK - let me re-phrase that - doing great DOES NOT equate to holding stress in. So that is a major paradigm shift in and of itself!! See how much I have learned from BCLC and the teachers here at CP?!!!

Our son had a few stressful incidents in school last April and May but mostly let his feelings out at home.

So, in late summer, our son had 7 awesome weeks of staying regulated and he hit a new level of deeper healing - really bonding to me, my dh and our dd. Then, school started August 27. Our son did exactly what he needed to do in school at his first sign of stress. He was awesome. He asked to see the director of school when he started feeling extreme fear, anxiousness and stress. However, because our son had never had this many issues during school, there was not a real clear plan of where to send him if the director was not available due to meetings, etc. Also, not all of the teachers (he had art, PE, Spanish, music in addition to his main teacher) knew about his post traumatic stress and did not know how important it was for our son to see a regulated adult to calm down away from the classroom.

We quickly put a plan into place with the director last week,...but even the best plans probably take a long time to work out especailly with the number of staff that would have to know exactly what to do and how to respond to our son. So, last week, after our son repeatedly expressed the urgency of needing to talk to someone - saying it politely, when the teachers said "NO you cannot see the director, (3 incidences on different days) he then decided "I need to misbehave to get them to call my mom or send me to the director. I hate to do this, but sometimes you have to do what you need to do to get what you need." OK - those were my son's (8 years old) EXACT words to me on this past Monday morning when he expressed everything in his heart about what had happened at school. Wow, honestly I am so proud of him!! Ok, I agree that we do not want our son to be defiant and disrespectful at school. However, he really did try to ask politely and he very calmly entered the next stage, because he felt panic welling up in his heart - "I need to disobey to get them to call my MOM!!!" Even though there was a plan in place last week, the private school just does not have the manpower or resources to have someone available on the spot for our son to meet with. It is a little sad because all our son needs is someone to talk to in a private place for 5-10 minutes at the most and then he can sail through the day. Not everyone at the school saw our son's defiance as fear or as a stress reaction...so we felt it best for our son to bring him home for 2nd grade and then look at each year as it comes along.

Right now our son is in the "expressing phase" as Rebecca Thompson from CP calls it! He is really using his brilliant verbal ability to process his emotions. He was under so much stress the last two weeks, that he had begun to use aggression at home towards my dh and me, but it was very short (well sometimes not too short) and then he would feel safe enough to talk....and boy can our son talk and verbailize exactly his fears down to the nitty, gritty detail! (I guess my son and daughter have listened to their extroverted, story-telling mother for 7 and 10 years...so they have acquired my verbal talent....or annoyance depending on how much someone wants to listen!

Our son was 100% relieved to be home schooled. He has set up a little desk with his supplies in our family room. I told him that was a great idea. We plan to read and snuggle as we read on the couch or wherever. He initially wants to do his written work at the desk - he probably needs that as a transition from school. I am sure we will have days where he will refuse to want to do anything school related. However, those days, we will read together, be close and just have fun and relax. Right now he is so excited to have Mommy as a teacher. He did say that I did not have to stand next to the chalkboard easel he set up! Thank goodnes, I was planning on drinking coffee in the chair as I read to him and did the work with him!! But he does want me to write on the chalkboard sometimes! I know it's weird and he will probably settle into a relaxing way of being home schooled. I think now he craves the familiarity of "school" and a little bit of a schedule. However, he is quite excited that we will be done in only 2 to 2.5 hours per day. He likes the idea of all the breaks and recesses that I planned in the schedule starting at 9 a.m. and ending at noon!

My dd, age 10, is really grieving and struggling with this change. She is continuing 5th grade at our private school which is an awesome school. She loves being with her friends, loves to learn, loves the school, is taking band and chorus....however, she loves being with mommy too so she is doing a lot of expression of anger and grief and jealousy. I am very willing to home school her starting next year, 6th grade if that is what she wants to consider.

I had considered home schooling even before we had children. And I considered it each year of their lives. However, this is truly the first year that we really knew that the best decision was to home school. My dh and I are 100% sure of our decision. Our son has expressed sadness over leaving his friends; however, we live around the corner from school, so we can set up an afternoon playdate once a week with one of his friends to come to our home after school. Even though he says and knows he will miss his friends, he can still say, "mommy I am so glad you are home schooling me. I feel so safe and secure with you. I love you."

So I end with that - what else needs to be said? Except thank you to everyone who has helped us with BC and especially thanks to God who has given us these precious children and thanks to God for His daily direction in our lives!

More posts to come.....but only after 9:30 p.m. now!! :wave

Kathy

[wdvance]

Congratulations Kathy,
Homeschooling was something I tried and was not able to do. Of course, it was before BCLC. Now with things in place and our home healing, my girls do well in public school. We of course still have melt downs from time to time.

I am so glad that you and your family are in the healing process. It always looks different for every family. I am going to sit back and read about your progress over the next year. I am sure it will be awesome.:popcorn

Wilma

[Denise]

What wonderful posts, Kathy. It warms my heart to see how you are able to consciously parent your children. I think if we stay connected with our children, the answers will come to us.
Yes, you will have days when you stuggle with home schooling, we all do. However, as long as you keep the love of learning in your child, then you are doing your job. Because a child who loves to learn, will be able to learn anything! :)