Breastfeeding

[Lianne]

There are lots of good links on the Consciously Parenting website (check Bibliography and Links) about Breastfeeding, but I wanted to post that there are also several experienced nursing moms on this forum who would be glad to help anyone with questions.

La Leche League is a FREE resource with educated and caring leaders who are available by phone, email, and in person at meetings. The other moms who attend meetings are also a great resource for support and advice, been-there-done-that stories, etc.

[ursassygurl]

hello, i am due this month that is why i quit my job..i have more time to read important details that would help me..thanks! :thumb

[Lianne]

Congratulations and welcome! Feel free to post if any questions come up as you read :)

[nurinesa]

Hi everyone,

How do you know when to wean? In many books I read it says 'wean when your baby shows the sign' or 'wean when you can not breastfeed any longer due to this reason or that reason'.
My question is how do you know your baby is ready. Is it that one day your baby just does not want the breast or there are other signs. For example when my baby could not sleep because of nursing for hours does it mean that it is also a sign?
Could you share your experiences about what are the signs that your baby show about not wanting to nurse? Or is this a boundary you put when you think it is time? Could we really talk about a boundary when it comes to needs (since breastfeeding is a need).

[greenbeanbanshee]

Wow. Those are some really great questions!

For my kids, I didn't wean them. They weaned themselves. I followed their cues. If my babies asked to nurse, I nursed them. If they didn't ask to nurse, I let it go.

One day I realized that my baby wasn't asking to nurse nearly as often as he had done for years. His needs were changing. He no longer needed the breast to regulate himself. He was also eating food regularly. At that time, he was probably nursing only once or twice each day, and he was 3 years old. After a while, he was only nursing every other day. But even then, if he asked, I nursed him. Even when I was no longer making milk, I nursed him when he asked. Then one day, I realized he hadn't asked to nurse in over a week. Then two weeks. Then a month. Then I cried and cried. And I posted on these forums about how sad I was. I was sad, specially since he's probably my last baby and I LOVED nursing. So it was definitely a grieving process for me.

I know it's different for everybody. There are some great La Leche League Leaders on here who should be able answer you better than me. But I figured I'd at least share how weaning happened for me and my kids. It was a slow process for us. And for us, it wasn't about boundaries at all. Just the opposite. It was about being flexible.

~Bethany

[Rebecca]

Nurinesa asked, "My question is how do you know your baby is ready. Is it that one day your baby just does not want the breast or there are other signs. For example when my baby could not sleep because of nursing for hours does it mean that it is also a sign?
Could you share your experiences about what are the signs that your baby show about not wanting to nurse? Or is this a boundary you put when you think it is time? Could we really talk about a boundary when it comes to needs (since breastfeeding is a need).

Great questions. The larger society has tried to put lots of external labels that describe when it is appropriate or not for a child to do a behavior and when it is time for a child to stop doing something because they are too old. It is understandable to want a definition of when it is time because it helps make our lives easier. But the reality is that every child is very different and what works for one child probably won't work for another. For a child with a trauma history or one who is difficult to soothe, it tells me that this child will need longer to complete emotional tasks than a child who is more regulated.

After learning more about the brain and its development, it seems that when most people wean is more about the needs and desires of the parent rather than what is in the best interest of the child. This isn't a blaming statement, but rather an observation. Those outward external labels take the focus off the child and onto what someone external thinks is best. In reality, the only one who can determine if the criteria have been met for weaning, since that is the question being asked, is the baby. How does the baby respond to it? Is the baby grieving this? Has the child experienced regressions in other areas (walking, talking, eating, sleeping) as a result of this change? These communicate that the child isn't ready yet. And if attempts to hurry the child's process bring some of these signs into the picture, the child isn't ready.

Does this mean that we need to go on nursing when we're done? No. But it does mean we need to take a good look at our motivation to wean at this time. And if we do need to wean before our baby is ready, we need to realize that we will need to compensate for those needs that are not being met in this way any longer. The child will need LOTS of rocking, cuddling, soothing in the parents' arms. Many parents do less during this time. This will increase the child's need for these things on a body level. It may mean that you will need to do some bottle feeding where you are holding baby, rocking, or otherwise doing those same things you would have done while breastfeeding to help the child continue the neurological development that was happening through the breastfeeding relationship.

I think the critical piece here is to not neglect the baby's need for your connection during weaning. Validate baby's feelings about not being able to nurse if that's what needs to happen- this is critical. A boundary here when something is based in a need is not something that I would take lightly. Do whatever you can to maintain connection with your baby. It is the most important thing you do as a parent. Nothing is more important than the relationship.

Hope that helps! Feel free to ask more questions if you have any and I would welcome further discussion on this topic to hear about other's experiences on this issue.

[greenbeanbanshee]

Rebecca and Lianne (and company) -- Since I've been home, I've been daydreaming about nursing a lot. I loved seeing Lianne nurse Alexa. It brought back so many memories for me. I was sitting quietly this morning and it occurred to me that one of the reasons I loved nursing was that it was one of the most significant times in my life for connecting to my own body. After the matwork that I did at the retreat, I have been thinking of ways to connect back to my body like that. One of my counselors here told me to do something tactile, like literally rubbing mud on my skin when I feel anxious, etc. I think nursing moms have a unique opportunity to do that kind of thing when they bring their baby up to their chest, feel their skin against theirs, and then have the awesome sensation of the milk letting down. It's not just something that you do. It's a real opportunity to put yourself "back in your body" (which is now my affectionate term for matwork). :D

That is my random thought for today. Well, one of them. ;)

Keep up all the nursing goodness. It makes me happy to know moms out there are doing it. Not just for their babies, but also for themselves. Cherish it and allow yourselves to really soak it up. Be aware that it is very tactile and that it can help you connect to your own body in a very unique way. I'm jealous! But also grateful for the reminder of the time when I was that connected to myself too. I am going to try to do more of that for myself in new ways.

~Bethany

[CookieCookie]

o man! I definitely don't miss breastfeeding!

[Lianne]

Bethany, I missed your post before. What awesome realizations :love

Thanks for reminding me to cherish and soak up all the nursing goodness :D Alexa doesn't nurse for as long each time as Allen did - she is very efficient - so that alone has helped me to really cherish the time she is snuggled in so close. I really love it :love