Letting Go

[Jacki]

How does one let go enough for their baby, their first born, to be a teenager?

My daughter is 14 & 1/2. Her emotional age is likely approx 24. She is a great student, she's on the cheer squad, in the drama club and the Italian club, she decided she needed to start providing for herself a bit and got a job over the summer. Now that Christmas is coming and she feels the one job isn't enough, she got herself another job. These are all really good things, thing that will help her manage her time & money, build social bonds, create a great foundation in school and school related activities to keep her on the right track for her teenage years. I am extremely proud of her. My problem is that I really miss my little girl. I'm having a really bad, tearfull day :(

[Rebecca]

Jacki,

Sounds like you've got a really wonderful daughter! Do remember that even though she seems to have it so together that she still really does need connection with you. Talk to her about how you are feeling and make time to connect with her. The brain doesn't finish developing until a child is approximately 25, so even though she seems to be so much older, she still really does need her mom! The relationship does change during these years to more of support and that takes communication to discover what that looks like and what works best for both of you.

Take the time to be with those feelings. It must be really hard to watch your "little girl" grow up! Reminisce about those times when she was little and really needed you, pull out the pictures, and allow yourself to cry. Journal or spend time thinking about all the changes, talk with friends about it... Once you've processed through some of those feelings, reach out to her and perhaps you can share a little bit of that with her- expressing how very proud you are of her, but how it is hard to let her go. Talk about what you want your relationship to look like and what she would like, too. Plan a time weekly, if possible, to spend time together doing something she wants. Allow her to lead, but let her know that you would like to spend that time with her.

Connection and relationship are still paramount in the teen years, so don't lose sight of that! She may need help balancing life, just like many of us do, and guidance from you to not take on too much just yet. She has many years ahead for that, but less time to be a kid. Reach out and connect with her, then she'll be more likely to listen to your loving influence. Relationship is everything.

[Snuffy]

I'm definitely not looking forward to my kids turning into tweens and all of the stages they'll be going through! Your daughter sounds like she'll have a great future since she is so involved, but it also sounds like she may be tackling on too much, especially with 2 jobs! she should definitely stick to her school activities and maybe 1 job rather than 2 before she wears herself out!

School activities is more important now at a young age!

[CookieCookie]

Why don't you do something which will help you bond. It would be nice to do something which you use to do together when she was younger, maybe like apple or pumpkin picking, arts and crafts etc. something like that since the holidays are approaching.

You get to bond and she get's a little breather from her hectic life.

Good Luck!;)