When you already have at least one...

[Lianne]

How do you find time to connect with the new one inside? I am so busy with my toddler that I feel like my pregnancy is already flying by - it's been three and a half weeks since we found out! I really don't want it to just slip away (well, maybe the 1st trimester... LOL) so any ideas for how to connect and just THINK about the new baby some when the older one takes so much time an energy would be appreciated! :D

I envision it getting a little easier as my belly grows, b/c Allen will be able to see and eventually feel kicking and we can talk about it together. It's just weird right now b/c I find myself forgetting I'm even pregnant. When I was pregnant the first time it was ALL we could EVER seem to talk about! LOL

[Sharonanne]

Li, I know exactly what you're saying and exactly how you feel. And so does Erin! (My sister-in-law ;)) I had asked her about it when she was pregnant with Andrew, and she confirmed what I thought might happen; she sometimes even forgot she was pregnant, she was just running around after Aedan constantly. ;)

It is such a huge difference from first to second pregnancy. I've found that you're right; as my belly's gotten larger and Joey can see and/or feel the movements of the baby inside, I've been able to connect more with the baby myself. I know I've told you about her screaming into my belly button! LOL ("HI BABY! I JOPHESINE!!! I BIG SISTER!!!!!")

I've spent the last two years of my life seeing everything through Joey's eyes; and I find myself seeing this pregnancy through her eyes, too. I'm getting more excited about it as SHE'S getting more excited about it. I'm connecting with the baby more; AND I'm connecting with Joey in a whole new way; as a mom and a big sister :D It's really pretty cool. ;)

Oh! Another thing that's helped us is watching birth videos together. She comes to my Bradley classes with me, and she's seen more women birth than some doulas I know LOL She has a really good understanding (for a toddler) of where the baby is, what the baby's doing and how the baby's going to come out. Not to mention her remarkable grasp of what's going to happen after the baby comes out. With no prompting from me, she knew that the baby was going to need Mama Milk and was going to cry some. Things like that amaze me. :D

But anyway, the birth videos have helped her to understand more, and to connect with the baby more herself, which has helped me connect with the baby more, too. ;)

Now if we could get Mr. Grumpy Pants husband to connect with anything, we'd be in business! LOL :)

[Lianne]

Thanks! :D Birth videos are a great idea - I have one dvd with births on it and of course his own birth we can watch. He has seen it before and knows it's him crying on the tv. I'm planning to bring him to my midwife appts too (at least sometimes) so he'll get to hear the heartbeat and see them measure and we can talk about that. :)

Usually at least once a day he will make a comment about the baby in my belly, which is so cute. He'll say, "I'm a big brother! Because you got a baby in your belly! RIGHT?" Then he tells me he has a giraffe in his belly... LOL

I'm so glad it's gotten better for you as you've gotten bigger. (Well at least in that respect!)

[Sharonanne]

Funny you should mention that. The other day, Joey was walking around holding her belly and I said "Joey, does your tummy hurt?" "Yeah. I must have a baby in my belly"

I about died laughing. I said "How did the baby get in your belly?"

"He must have crawled in my bottom."

Okay, so shoot me; she understands that the baby's there, we just haven't tackled how it got there yet. LOL

[Lianne]

Ha!!!!

[rstump]

Once you start showing it will be much easier. :)

Believe me...you will connect.

It is hard to imagine loving and caring for another baby as much as your first. BUT....truely....it doesn't take anything away from your first and the second is MORE than a double feeling. Cause you then love the first in a whole new way and the second one too (not sure if this makes sense) But....anyway.

[Lianne]

It makes sense :) Thanks :) I don't worry about loving the second one, for some reason, that just hasn't entered in at all. I just don't want to look back and realize I missed this time b/c I was so busy! LOL

[Rebecca]

Even taking just a minute or so every day to connect with baby and what is happening developmentally (somewhere I saw a great calendar that had affirmation statements to make for each day of pregnancy... I'll post it when/if I find it again.) But, if nothing else, just acknowledging baby's presence and how you love the baby, that the baby is growing perfectly, etc. They are very aware of the feelings we have toward them, so even saying out loud or to yourself how much the baby is wanted has a positive affect! It is against conventional wisdom, but you may have noticed I'm not very "conventional." LOL.

I'm reading a book now called Primal Connections by Elizabeth Noble about how our very early experiences influence who we become. It is a fascinating read based in research. It definitely is challenging many of my basic assumptions about early life and making me realize how very little we actually know!

[Lianne]

I definitely want to check out that book.

So, I just keep forgetting about the new baby :( It is so weird! I think my husband is feeling more connected than I am at this point. He frequently puts his hand on my belly and even last night I think he fell asleep like that. At least it reminds me I guess. LOL

Really I have been doing what you said, Rebecca, in the mornings when I'm lying there awake and trying to go back to sleep. LOL (dang insomnia!) I might just have to get over the fact that I won't actually be able to spend AS MUCH time focusing on subsequent kids as the first. That's just how it goes I guess.

[Sharonanne]

I just last night, had a "Wow, there's a baby in there" moment. I'm seven months pregnant and can't see my shoes anymore, and I just FINALLY had a "Wow, there's a baby in there" moment.

I'm sure you remember all my weird feelings when I first found out I was pregnant. This was part of it. I was amazed at how easy it was to just FORGET that I was growing a baby. Especially since, last time, it was so all consuming. I turned my feelings into fear. Probably the worst thing to do. You are NOT doing that, and I'm so glad :D

I promise that you will connect with this baby.:)

[Lianne]

I'm 17.5 weeks along now! :belly I've been feeling movement for about a month, which is awesome. It reminds me that someone is in there and that is good :) Also my husband was able to feel a kick on Monday night :love And last night my 3 year old was talking to the baby, saying things like, "Hi baby! I'm your big brother, Allen! Are you eating grass? Oohhh, you're having milky aren't you!" :spit I about died laughing! So we are all connecting more and more and are getting SO excited about our new baby's arrival mid-summer :D

[greenbeanbanshee]

I don't know you guys well, but I saw this saying on a link and I instantly thought of you. I know, it's weird. You are my invisible pregnant friends. You've probably even read it before. Maybe I just miss being pregnant....

"Before you were conceived
I wanted you
Before you were born
I loved you
Before you were here an hour
I would die for you
This is the miracle of life."
~Maureen Hawkins


Happy gestating to you all!

~Bethany
:heart