Denise
02-04-2008, 08:07 AM
In the newspapers on Friday, February 1, 2008
Dear Abby,
My 6-year-old nephew, “Andy”, is destructive. He lies constantly and frequently steals small items.
I offered to assist my sister, “Mary”, by baby-sitting Andy when she began working again after her divorce became final. Daycare is extremely expensive, and I doubted she could afford it. This was over a year ago, and the problems started right away.
After the most recent occurrence, I finally went ballistic even though the items Andy stole cost only 33 cents. I have had it! When Andy is confronted, he always says someone else did it (I have children of my own), that someone gave it to him (which has never been the case), “it was an accident” or “it was already like that” (half the time either my husband or I had seen him break the item). Andy has never admitted what he has done or said he was sorry.
I finally informed Mary that I’m no longer available to watch her son due to his outrageous behavior, and I never want him in my house again. I haven’t spoken to my sister in months. I see no future for Andy except prison. Is there a program for someone like him to prevent that in the future?
-At A Loss In Missouri
Dear At A Loss:
Your nephew is a very angry little boy. Not only has Andy lost his father, but his mother has gone from being a full-time mommy into the workforce while he was left in a household where he is no longer the center of attention. In addition, he may also have some emotional problems or learning disabilities.
Giving your sister the silent treatment isn’t the answer. Her son should be evaluated by a mental health professional, and the place to start is by asking the boy’s pediatrician for a referral. Please urge her to do it ASAP.
Denise writes Dear Abby
Dear Abby,
Please let “At Loss in Missouri” whose 6 year old nephew is displaying negative behaviors know that there is hope. It sounds like this loving aunt wants only the best for her nephew but has run out of options. What if the child was showing these behaviors because he was not only angry but felt scared and alone? I encourage her to learn about the love-based approach. The book, Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control, A Love Based Approach to Helping Attachment-Challenged Children with Severe Behaviors by Heather T. Forbes, LCSW and B. Bryan Post, PhD, LCSW and the Conscious Parenting Project at consciouslyparenting.com has been a big help to me. Please don’t give up on your nephew. He is worth it!
Loving my kids in Indiana
If anyone else is interested in helping this mother, please write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles CA 90069.
Dear Abby,
My 6-year-old nephew, “Andy”, is destructive. He lies constantly and frequently steals small items.
I offered to assist my sister, “Mary”, by baby-sitting Andy when she began working again after her divorce became final. Daycare is extremely expensive, and I doubted she could afford it. This was over a year ago, and the problems started right away.
After the most recent occurrence, I finally went ballistic even though the items Andy stole cost only 33 cents. I have had it! When Andy is confronted, he always says someone else did it (I have children of my own), that someone gave it to him (which has never been the case), “it was an accident” or “it was already like that” (half the time either my husband or I had seen him break the item). Andy has never admitted what he has done or said he was sorry.
I finally informed Mary that I’m no longer available to watch her son due to his outrageous behavior, and I never want him in my house again. I haven’t spoken to my sister in months. I see no future for Andy except prison. Is there a program for someone like him to prevent that in the future?
-At A Loss In Missouri
Dear At A Loss:
Your nephew is a very angry little boy. Not only has Andy lost his father, but his mother has gone from being a full-time mommy into the workforce while he was left in a household where he is no longer the center of attention. In addition, he may also have some emotional problems or learning disabilities.
Giving your sister the silent treatment isn’t the answer. Her son should be evaluated by a mental health professional, and the place to start is by asking the boy’s pediatrician for a referral. Please urge her to do it ASAP.
Denise writes Dear Abby
Dear Abby,
Please let “At Loss in Missouri” whose 6 year old nephew is displaying negative behaviors know that there is hope. It sounds like this loving aunt wants only the best for her nephew but has run out of options. What if the child was showing these behaviors because he was not only angry but felt scared and alone? I encourage her to learn about the love-based approach. The book, Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control, A Love Based Approach to Helping Attachment-Challenged Children with Severe Behaviors by Heather T. Forbes, LCSW and B. Bryan Post, PhD, LCSW and the Conscious Parenting Project at consciouslyparenting.com has been a big help to me. Please don’t give up on your nephew. He is worth it!
Loving my kids in Indiana
If anyone else is interested in helping this mother, please write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles CA 90069.