When we tell our children and others what they need to do specifically, we take away the ability for the other person to see alternative solutions to problems. We also miss the opportunity of connecting through understanding the needs of another person, taking everyone’s needs into account when children are developmentally ready to do so.
I took the time to do our morning connection rituals with both my daughters. I stopped hurrying us about and took the time to admire their choices of clothing. And by the time we got into the car, we were back to being our calm selves and plugged into one another. We arrived, late, yet in time with one another.
I believe that we all do the best we can every moment. Love and forgive yourself for not being able to always see that. Love and forgive your children, too. And see what happens in your family life when you shift this one simple thing.
When we recognize that our children have reasons for those upsets (even if we don’t really get it), it gives us the opportunity to connect and actually help make it better this time, and the next time, too. Learning the skills to regulate and create more connection in the moment helps everyone to feel better, no matter how old we are and no matter what we call it.
When you have little ones, there is a lot of talk about how “it’s just a phase” and “this too shall pass,” whether it’s about picky eating, tantrums, or some other behavior deemed inappropriate in our society. While it is true that many of those behaviors do pass with time, I definitely wasn’t expecting to still witness full toddler-style tantrums with my child at 8 years old.
COME to Simple Dinner.
Every Sunday night, 5-8, my house.
Please bring whatever is already in your kitchen:
leftovers, jars of olives, cheese, that foil wrapped experiment, etc.
No preparing food. WE MEAN IT.
Originally published on The Consciously Parenting Blog February 7, 2010 When I became a parent, I didn’t know how to cook. OK, maybe that’s not entirely true. I could cook bacon, scrambled eggs, toast, and I could make a grilled cheese sandwich. Oh, and hamburger helper. I could do that. My husband, on the other hand, Read More
We’ve always been a homeschool family, and we love it. I love the flexibility of being able to travel and visit theme parks during the week (we live about an hour from Orlando), and generally do things however and whenever I want to do them. We are eclectic homeschoolers, taking bits and pieces from different Read More
Originally published on The Consciously Parenting Blog June 10, 2009 We’re really adjusting right now. School has let out and my older son is now home for the summer. We’ve had some pretty big ups and downs over the past week as we all work toward our new normal. Summer provides many opportunities to learn those Read More
I am a yeller. I come from a long family line of yellers. The yelling isn’t necessarily done out of anger; it is simply another form of communication…a loud one. After children came into my life, I could see the negative impact the yelling had on them. I wasn’t crossing the line into verbal abuse, Read More
I’m traveling with my boys today by myself, flying to the Midwest from chilly Florida in search of snow and to spend time with the grandparents. Amazing how it gets so much easier as they grow older and I grow wiser, more conscious about what I’m doing and the assumptions I make as a parent.
Moms’ Night Out! A coveted part of many moms’ lives. You get to take a shower, put on some makeup, and wear grown-up clothes. And the best part? You get to talk to grown-ups – and ones you like, for that matter. Here I was in my dress that finally fit me again, babysitter engaged, Read More