I just finished a conversation with a dad. Maybe you can relate to his story. He’s in that space in between how he grew up and the tools he was given to parent his own children and the how he really wants to parent. In those moments where one of his children is having a really hard time, the moment he would have been sent away or punished in some way, is the moment he has the hardest time connecting with his child. Have you been there?
I know I’ve been there.
Scott Noelle of The Daily Groove calls it “The Gap.” I often talk about the space between Unconscious Incompetence and Unconscious Competence- from the space of where you don’t know what you don’t know to the space of parenting the way you want to parent with your new tools without having to think about it. In between is the space of Conscious Incompetence and Conscious Competence- where you move from the uncomfortable space of knowing that you don’t want to do it that way to the place of being able to change what you’re doing as a parent, but you have to think about it.
See the chart below for more information about this way of looking at parenting consciously.
One of the ways we can move ourselves into the place of Conscious Competence is to listen to resources that support the way you’d like to parent. The more you get the information into your world and surroundings, either by listening or reading, the easier it becomes to make the shifts.
This week, we’re talking about Respectful Boundaries with Our Kids. This was definitely one of the most difficult places for me to shift in my parenting. While this podcast certainly doesn’t answer ALL the questions, it’s a wonderful reminder of the direction we want to go with our kids. Boundaries that respect EVERYONE’S needs and feelings. Check out my conversation with Christy Diane Farr, The Unruly Woman, and see how it feels for you.
Angelle talks about “Soft Boundaries” and those situations where we’re dealing with someone outside our family and we’re struggling to find our way through it. In many ways, it’s about being in the Gap as we learn to set boundaries with others and what we can do in the meantime.
The changes that happen in our parenting are often about our own internal shifting and finding new ways to look at situations with our families, at our conflicts, at our challenges. “I choose love” was one of those moments for me.
So much of parenting is about recognizing when we’re not in the present moment and coming back to ourselves and our kids, to see them for who they are in this moment and what they truly need, which is usually connection with us.
Connection with others who really see us, hear us, and feel us is really what we all need, isn’t it?!
If you’d like to go deeper into this work, either for your own family’s growth, your growth as a professional, or to support others in your community, consider checking out our upcoming 2 Year Training. See information below! Starts next Monday, July 24!
Thank you for being part of the Consciously Parenting community!
Podcast Episode 11: Boundaries (part 3)
Episode 11 is up! We’ve been talking about boundaries, finding them within ourselves and with others outside of our families. Many of the parents I talk to who have trouble with the metaphorical “Uncle Bob” also have a challenge setting boundaries with their own kids. Today’s episode, Christy Farr and Rebecca Thompson Hitt talk about what healthy, respectful and loving boundaries can look like with your kids.
Guest blogger Angelle Gremillion writes about how sometimes we need to do the best we can when it comes to setting boundaries, perhaps setting a softer boundary to preserve a relationship. Click to read.
From the Consciously Parenting achives:
My minister last week at church talked about having a mantra, or a statement that we could say to ourselves when we needed to shift our focus away from fear and back into the present moment, when we were reacting from our past instead of responding in the way we wanted to respond. Yes, I choose love. I choose to parent from a place of love, not from fear. I choose love. Click to read
Be sure to check out our NEW Learning Center and Community. We’re having a sale on our Gold level memberships during the month of July (coupon code SUMMER2017), but you can also join for free! Check it out here.
Interested, but have some questions? Check out the short video on the page, where you can get a tour of the new Learning Center and hear about all the different levels of membership to see what’s right for you. It very well could be the free level!
Consciously Parenting 2-Year Training Program and Certification
Training starts July 24th!
Have you wanted to go deeper into the Consciously Parenting paradigm with your own family? Have you wanted to support others? Are you a professional who supports parents in any capacity? I’m looking for people who want to learn to apply my work to their own families, communities, or practices. This is an experiential training that will be conducted virtually.
Click for more information, watch the video on the page, and hit reply to this email to schedule a time with me to see if it feels like a good fit for you and your needs!
Consciously Parenting Family Cruise Retreat
Open to all families, we’re sailing out of Tampa, FL on Thursday, January 25, 2018 for a 4-night cruise to Cozumel, Mexico. Click to learn more!
Have questions? Want to hear more? Watch the recording of our informational call and learn all about our January 2018 Consciously Parenting Cruise Retreat!
We have one cabin remaining in our first block of 8 cabins on the ship. If you’d like to join us and grab this space, do it soon! If we have enough interest, we’ll be opening up a second block of rooms. Prices may vary depending on current rates from Carnival.